


Finding Blaine

by JDBloom



Category: Glee
Genre: F/M, Family, First Love, Friendship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-31
Updated: 2015-06-28
Packaged: 2018-03-09 20:02:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 43,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3262571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JDBloom/pseuds/JDBloom
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>On his seventeenth birthday, Blaine finds an envelope that will change his life. As a ghost from his past returns, Blaine must not only face his past, but his true self.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Shadow

**Author's Note:**

> I don't want to spoil anything, but it was suggested I place a warning about endgame, so there!  
> In this story Blaine will go by Devon, which is quickly explained why. Although, Blaine does not suffer from Dissociative Identity Disorders, there will be times when the narrative will switch from Devon to Blaine. Also, there will be instances of binge-eating disorder and slight fat shaming.  
> Story is based off Sara Zarr's book "Sweethearts", story title is from the MTV show "Finding Carter," and chapter titles are from Bleachers' album "Strange Desire".

7:05 A.M.

His alarm blares through his room and his hand immediately reaches out to his nightstand to turn it off. As he does that his hands comes in contact with a card. He squints his eyes and makes out a bright blue card that reads “HAPPY BIRTHDAY” in yellow bold letters. He closes his eyes and suppresses a sigh as he sinks his head back into his pillow. He'd almost managed to forget that today is his birthday. Almost. Of course, he never could. Not since he was eight years old his birthday became a dreaded day, one he wishes he could avoid, or escape from.

He lies in bed and thinks about a kid with blonde hair and blue eyes. Who kept him company and liked him. Sam Evans had been his best friend all through third grade. Anytime Puck and Rachel decided to pick on him, Sam Evans would be there to stand up for him. Sam Evans would do anything for Blaine Anderson. But Blaine Anderson was gone, all that remained now was a shell occupied by Devon Anderson.

He'll never forget the way he felt his world crumble when Puck told him that Sam had died. That the person who'd made him smile and feel safe again after his parents had passed away was also gone. He'd been the new kid at Lima Elementary, having had to move there after his parents died so Cooper and him could live with their aunt, their new guardian. His memory is foggy on the details of how he and Sam became friends, but when they did they were inseparable. It was almost like they were meant to find each other and be there for one another. Blaine was a smart kid and he would always help Sam with his homework. Sam was taller and braver, standing up for the both of them when Puck and Rachel would make fun of them.

But when Blaine turned eight everything changed. He wonders if Sam knew that was the last time they'd see each other. That day Sam apologized he hadn't gotten him a gift, but Blaine told him it didn't matter and shared the cupcake Cooper had bought him since he had an afternoon shift at work. Cooper was always busy with school or work. When Blaine got home and took out his books from his bag he found a small envelope slipped in between. The messy writing in front told him immediately it was from Sam. Inside was a letter and a plastic ring you'd get from a quarter machine. The ring was small with a blue fake diamond stone. Blue was his favorite color. The letter was short, it read “ _To Blaine. I love you. From Sam_.” Sam had drawn two stick figures holding hands. One of them had messy curly hair and the other yellow short hair. He smiled for the rest of the night even when Cooper got home and tucked him into bed.

Blaine couldn't wait to go to school the next day and tell Sam that he loved him, too. But Sam never showed up. Or the next day or the days that followed. Puck and Rachel's bullying got worse without Sam there. Finally, Blaine couldn't take it and asked his teacher about Sam.

“Oh, dear, he's moved away,” Mrs. Jones had said before asking him to continue on with his school work.

Blaine couldn't understand why Sam had left without saying goodbye. Sam loved him. People who loved each other didn't leave without saying goodbye. Maybe Sam didn't love him after all, why would he? He was chubby, had an embarrassing lisp, and his hair was always a mess. Puck and Rachel were quick to pick on his insecurities and use them to make fun of him until he would cry. Even so, Sam still could have called or written him. It's why when Puck informed him that Sam had died as much as he didn't want to believe him it did explain why he hadn't heard anything from him.

When it finally sank in that Sam was gone he fainted. When he woke up he cried and cried until Cooper had to pick him up from school. Puck had claimed that everyone knew about Sam so when he asked Cooper and he just said, “I'm sorry,” Sam's death became more real to him. That night he held a private funeral for Sam in his mind. He put Sam's memory to rest and along with it Blaine followed. Blaine was nothing without Sam and if he wanted to survive he had to become someone else.

From then on he asked Cooper to call him Devon. He took care of himself in the way Cooper was too busy to do. Whenever he was home alone and he began to think about Sam he'd sing. Singing helped get rid of his lisp. He asked Cooper to sign him up for gymnastics at the community center and quickly lost most of his weight. For a short period he cut his hair short, but remembered how much his mother loved his curls. His mother knew how to comb them so they wouldn't look unkempt. But Cooper was too busy finishing school, working, and dating to do that for him so he began to gel his hair.

When he finished elementary school, Cooper introduced him to Santana Lopez. The two had been dating for the past two years and we're taking the next step in their relationship: moving in together. Santana was three years older than Cooper and her job was in Columbus so they'd be moving to Westerville. Moving to a new place where no one knew who he was or had been worked to his advantage. As Devon he became the person he had always wanted to be as Blaine.

At home Cooper never questioned him about his name change and instead seemed to approve of the new person he was. Santana never tried to be his mom, not even when she and Cooper married, which Devon appreciated. Santana was great for Cooper, always keeping him in check and being the authority he'd lacked while growing up. The pair were suitable guardians for him as he grew older.

While he felt secure in his new skin as Devon there was just one thing that kept holding him back. It had taken him years to come to the conclusion, but he couldn't hide it anymore. Not to Cooper, Santana or himself. Devon (Blaine) was gay. When he finally came out and Cooper and Santana didn't shun him he finally felt free. He liked to think that if Sam Evans was alive he would accept him. He'd loved him as a kid after all, even if Sam had just meant it as best friends.

Being gay at his middle school however brought out the bullies again back to his life. Fortunately, Devon had come out closer to the end of eighth grade so he didn't have to deal with them for long. Cooper hated to see him close in on himself again though so Santana came to his rescue when she suggested he enroll at Dalton, a new progressive high school in Westerville with a no-bullying policy set in place.

It's at Dalton where Devon makes friends and actually manages to fit in. He makes friends with Tina Cohen-Chang when they get partnered up in Math class. During Gym he's approached by Kitty Wilde to join the cheerleading team. He declines even though he knows it'd be a good way to stay in shape. He appreciates the gesture and invites Kitty to sit with him at lunch whenever she wants. Kitty and Tina sometimes clash, but Blaine is there to establish peace between the two. Nick Duval and Jeff Sterling are best friends that practically grew up together and Devon likes them as they remind him of what he and Sam could perhaps have been. They begin to hang out with him at lunch time since they share most classes and they always manage to make him laugh. The five of them become good friends with one another eventually.

Then came Sebastian Smythe, his now boyfriend. Sebastian transferred to Dalton at the beginning of their sophomore year. Devon wasn't sure at the time if he was ready for a boyfriend, but Kitty pushed him to accept when Sebastian finally asked him out. Devon decided it wouldn't hurt to go on one date especially since he was attracted Sebastian after all. Shortly before Winter Break, the two become official. Soon enough Sebastian becomes a big part of Devon's life. He shares everything about his life with Sebastian except for his first name and Sam. One day he'll have to tell Sebastian his name, but he doesn't want his image of Devon, the perfect boyfriend, friend, brother, to vanish. Blaine was flawed, but Devon isn't.

“Devon!” Cooper calls from down the hall.

Devon opens his eyes again and looks at the card. He opens it and inside there are birthday wishes signed “Love, Cooper and Santana”. He stands up and hides the card inside his bottom desk drawer where there are other birthday cards. He knows Cooper means well, Santana, too, but they don't know how stressful birthdays are for him since Sam. His birthday reminded him of loss, just like on his parents death anniversary. How hard it is for him to continue being Devon when Blaine wants to come back and take hold of his new life. Devon couldn't let that happen though. He'd gone through most of his high school years without anyone knowing of Blaine.

“It's just one day,” he says to his reflection in the mirror when he's done getting ready. “Just one day and then things can go back to normal.”

In the kitchen Cooper and Santana sing to him “Happy Birthday” as he drinks his morning coffee. This was the only time he didn't have to fake a smile as he genuinely enjoyed their singing.

“Oh, and this is for you,” Cooper says as he slides over a long key with a BMW logo on it.

“What? Thank you!” Devon took it and glances at the two before standing up and hugging them both. “Oh, I wish I could drive it to school, but Sebastian is picking me up today. Cooper you should have told me!”

“You'll have plenty of time to drive it later,” Santana smiles. “Plus, we figured you'd forgive us for the surprise.”

Cooper nods. They know how guarded Devon is and how he doesn't appreciate surprises.

“It's a 2005 model, but it's in really good condition,” Cooper adds before there's a knock at the door.

“Sebastian is here,” Devon says as he picks up his satchel and waves goodbye.

When Devon opens the door he finds Sebastian standing on the porch with his hands behind his back.

“Happy birthday, killer,” Sebastian greets him before giving him a quick kiss. Although he's not fond of the nickname, Sebastian insists on calling him that. It was shortly after Devon mentioned how he didn't want to attend the high school in his district where most of his classmates from middle school would also be attending. “Broke too many hearts to stay?” Sebastian joked before giving him a kiss during lunch.

Sebastian takes his hand and walks him toward his Tesla model car he got when he turned sixteen, which is currently on the street instead of parked in front of his place. As Sebastian opens the door for him he glances at the white car parked in front of Devon's place. “Someone took my spot.”

Devon takes out the car key from his pocket and shows it to Sebastian when he gets inside the car. “It's my new car, Cooper and Santana got it for me.”

Sebastian smiles widely before he leans in again to kiss him. “I got you something, too,” Sebastian adds as he leans into the backseat and brings forward a red gift bag.

Devon already knows inside are the new collection of bow ties from Brooks Brothers, but still feigns surprise as he opens the bag and looks inside. “Bow ties? I love them!”

Sebastian laughs as he begins to drive. “Of course you do, you picked them out last weekend and told me that's what you wanted as a birthday gift.”

“I really liked them,” Devon shrugs as he places the bag in the back seat again. He's grateful once again that Sebastian is an understanding boyfriend and doesn't make a big deal over the fact that he doesn't enjoy surprises. Surprises throw him off balance and he doesn't enjoy feeling like he's not in control of a situation.

“Dev? Did you hear what I just said about the play?”

Devon nods and remembers vaguely Sebastian saying he can't give him a ride back home. “Tina is giving me a ride back, don't worry.”

Sebastian stares at him for a little longer, but nods. However, when they pull up to school and he parks, he asks Devon if he's okay. Devon smiles and assures him he is.

Inside, they meet with the rest of the gang where they all give him hugs and birthday cards, per his request. He smiles and says thank you every time someone wishes him a happy birthday. Since it's his birthday Sebastian walks him to all of his classes. Whenever he catches a sophomore or Hunter Clarington checking out Sebastian and then glance at him with distaste he's reminded that he's lucky that Sebastian picked him. Or better yet picked Devon. Sebastian never would have picked Blaine, the fat lonely kid, to be his boyfriend. Only Sam Evans picked Blaine.

By lunch his face is starting to get sore from all the fake smiling he has had to do. The only downside to being Devon was how many people know and like him at Dalton.

When Kitty asks him if Cooper and Santana got him anything, he nods. “They surprised me with a car.”

“That's great!” Tina and Kitty exclaim.

Sebastian shakes his head. “Devon doesn't like surprises.”

Just then Nick and Jeff stand up. “Is that so? Ouch. Well, we still have one for you,” Jeff says with a smile before the two of them start singing “Sixteen Going on Seventeen” from _The Sound of Music_.

People begin to clap and cheer them on, while Devon watches mortified for a couple of seconds. Eventually he laughs and covers his face, the proper reaction he knows is acceptable. Although, what he really wants is to run home, hide in his room, and wait for the day to be over.

“Guys,” Devon whines when they are done although he smiles at the two, who are currently bowing to the crowd.

“Sebastian said it was okay,” Jeff quickly informs in defense, as they sit down to finish their lunch.

“Seb?” Devon looks at him. “You know how I feel about surprises.”

“Come on, it was fun,” Sebastian shrugs.

Kitty rolls her eyes before pinching Nick and Jeff. “Next time you pull something like that without some kind of warning you won't be able to walk for a week.”

Devon sends her a quiet thank you when they make eye contact. Tina brings up the upcoming play and the tense quiet moment passes. Devon looks down at his lunch and can't bring himself to finish it. He knows Cooper and Santana are going to take him out for dinner and he'll be expected to have dessert. He had spent so long losing weight and then maintaining a reasonable weight. Even if it was his birthday he couldn't over indulge himself and gain it back by eating too much.

“Dev,” Kitty got his attention since he'd gone quiet after Tina and Sebastian began to talk. “Let's go to Trig early, I need to ask Mr. Harrison something.”

Devon nods and follows her. At the end of the day, Kitty is the one to give Devon a ride home since Sebastian invited Tina to join him at the play reading committee.

The drive isn't long especially since Kitty drives fast. At one point Kitty glances at him, as he sat with his satchel and red gift bag, for longer than usual during a red light. “You really didn't seem like yourself today, Dev.”

“Who did I seem like, then?” Dev asks with a half smile trying to make a joke out of it.

Kitty shrugs as she begins to drive again. “No one that I know.”

Devon's smile vanishes, but Kitty doesn't even notice as she begins to complain over one the cheer moves she was having trouble with. Before she drives away once she got to his place she suggests he give his new car a spin. “Driving always helps me clear my mind,” she adds before she waves goodbye and drives away.

Devon went inside to drop off his stuff and took out the car key he'd had in his pocket all day. He followed all the steps Cooper had taught him when he first learned to drive and pulled out of his parking space. He thought about going to Kitty's, then later picking up Tina, Jeff, Nick, and Sebastian, all of them could go hang out somewhere for his birthday. They'd stay up late and then Devon could make that his new birthday memory instead of the one that haunted him.

He's two blocks away from home when he stops at a red light and watches a tall young man crossing the street in front of him. He has his sweater hood on and facing away from his car so he can't see his face, but Devon can't look away. There's something about the way he carries himself that makes Devon want to look at his face. Without thinking twice his right hands presses the middle of the steering wheel to honk. To get the boy's attention. But no sound comes from the horn which must be broken. His heart is beating fast now and he takes a deep breath as he realizes how crazy that had been.

Relief floods into him as his cell phone rings. He knows he probably shouldn't answer given that he's driving, but the street is lonely except for him and the young man that is now on the sidewalk.

He sees Sebastian's name flashing on his phone screen and answers.

“I have great news!” Sebastian says excitedly.

“What is it?”

“Well, remember I told you I was going to submit my play for consideration? Artie, the student director, loved it and we're going to put it on! They're actually going to put on my play!”

“Congratulations! I'm so proud of you,” Devon says with a wide smile as he looks over to the boy that is almost halfway down the block.

“And I signed you up to be the stage manager,” Sebastian adds.

“Me?” Devon asks as he watches the boy turn left and disappear from sight. “I-”

“Come on, Dev, it'll be fun. Given that we're going to soon be busy with college applications it'll be a nice excuse to spend more time together.”

Devon stays quiet. Even though Sebastian makes a good point this is the second time in one day that Sebastian makes a decision for him.

“Okay,” Devon sighs as he sees a car approaching from behind. “I have to go, Cooper and Santana are taking me out for dinner.”

“Alright, call me after?”

“Sure.”

Devon hangs up and turns left to where the boy had walked, hoping to maybe run into him, but he doesn't. He returns home a few minutes before Cooper arrives. He changes quickly, having had his outfit picked already since the weekend.

Cooper and Santana take him to his favorite Italian restaurant. When Cooper asks how his day was he tells him about Jeff and Nick serenading him during lunch. The story pleases Cooper which should make Devon happy because he knows that deep down Cooper just wants him to be happy and okay. Cooper has done his best the last nine years to raise him as best as he could. He'll always be grateful to him because Cooper had to grow up and give up his young adult years to raise him. He knows Cooper didn't have to, he could have gone away to college when he turned eighteen, but instead Cooper did everything necessary he could to get legal guardianship of him.

When they're done eating Santana pulls out an envelope and hands it to him. Devon looks at them confused before she motions to open it. Inside are four $50 bills. “They're from Mama and Papa Lopez, they wish you a happy birthday, Dev,” she says with a soft smile.

“Thank you,” Devon says once again accepting how lucky he is that Cooper found Santana. That she never treats him like a burden. How her family accepts him and Cooper as part of their own.

“Why don't you buy yourself some nice clothes? You wear the Dalton uniform way too much and there's no reason for you to hide your body, specially now that you're in shape.”

“Cooper,” Devon says with a roll of his eyes while Santana shakes her head at Cooper.

“Just a suggestion that I'm sure Sebastian would appreciate. Anyway, maybe you should save the money for gas.”

While Cooper pays for the bill and waits for his change, Santana catches him staring out the window.

“Looking for someone?” she asks as she stands up from her seat.

Devon shakes his head and offers to help her put on her coat before they step outside. In the backseat of Cooper's car he sighs with relief as he realizes this day is almost over. That in just a few hours this day will be done and he won't have to think about it for another year.

As Cooper pulls up into their driveway he notices a white envelope sticking out from their mailbox. Cooper and Santana are deep in conversation that they don't notice it. It's probably a note from Sebastian, Tina, or even Nick, his brain concludes. Deep down he knows it's not because they would never do this. They call, email, or text him, but never leave notes for him. It's why he doesn't say anything as he follows Cooper and Santana inside.

A normal person would have been excited to find a note waiting for them. Not Devon, surprises stress him out and make him become paranoid about his past. Specially if they come on his birthday. He heads to his room as his mind begins to wonder who the envelope is for and from who. He wonders if maybe Rachel or Puck or one his middle school bullies has found him. And they want to make sure that he hasn't forgotten that they know the real him.

As panic begins to build up inside him he does the only thing that he knows will make him calm down, if at least for a second.

“Did you just get back?” Sebastian's voice greets him.

Devon nods before he sighs, “Yeah, um, I can't talk for long, I have some homework to finish before I go to sleep.”

“Okay.” Sebastian goes quiet before he speaks again, “Dev...”

“Yes?”

Sebastian goes quiet again which doesn't help ease Devon's nerves at all. “Did you have a good birthday?”

It's Devon's turn to stay quiet. “Yeah,” he says even though he knows it's not true and probably won't be once he knows what's inside that envelope outside in his mailbox. “Pick me up tomorrow?”

“Of course.”

Sebastian hangs up and Devon stares at his phone before he calls Tina. He needs to preoccupy himself in the meantime. Until he can calmly go retrieve the envelope.

They make small talk for a few minutes before Tina suggest they go out for a drive. Devon declines using homework as an excuse to not leave his house.

“It's your birthday, come on!” Tina insists.

“It's also kind of late,” Devon points out as he opens his closet to pick out a sweater. He has to get that envelope.

“Oh, right, I forgot I was talking to Mr. Predictable from Ohio,” Tina jokes.

Devon rolls his eyes. “I can be spontaneous and fun, okay?”

“Well, I hope I get to meet this Devon one day,” Tina jokes. “Then again that really wouldn't be you, would it?”

“Funny,” Devon mutters, “Kitty said I wasn't myself today.”

“Did she? Well, you were a little off today.”

Devon closes his eyes. How off was he today that his friends noticed? Then again didn't that say something about them? About how much they cared?

“I just- birthdays aren't my thing,” Devon says lamely.

“Why? I love birthdays! People give you gifts and you can do whatever you want,” Tina sighs happily. “Which is why I will never understand why you insist we only get you birthday cards. They're lame. We were all gonna pitch in to get you something.”

“A surprise?” Devon asks.

Tina stays quiet. “Okay, yes, but you would have loved it.”

“It's just that this one time-”

“Jeff is calling, hold on.”

Devon is thankful for the interruption, he almost told Tina about Sam. How he'd had his heart broken. And when he'd lost Sam he also lost himself.

A minute later Tina returns. “Jeff wanted me to help him with Math, but I told him I'd call him later. Anyway, you were saying?”

Devon shakes his head. “It's nothing, birthdays involve a lot of attention and I'm just glad it's over.”

“Right, cause being the center of attention is a bad thing,” Tina says sarcastically. When Devon doesn't say anything she sighs. “Okay, since we're not going out, I guess I'll let you get your beauty rest. See you tomorrow.”

Devon hangs up and walks out of his room quietly. He makes his way into the kitchen and stands there for a moment looking at Santana and Cooper in the living room. Santana's head is on Cooper's shoulder and he has his arm around her. They're both paying attention to the television when their program goes to commercials and Santana turns to face Cooper and kisses him on the lips. Devon feels like he is spying on a private moment and quickly makes his way to the front door and steps outside. Even in his sweater he can feel the cold seeping into his bones. Without thinking twice he reaches out for the letter and puts it in his pocket before heading inside and practically running to his room.

 _ **Blaine Anderson**_ reads the front of the envelope. Not Devon or Dev, but Blaine. The envelope was thin and lumpy. He stares at his name for a bit longer because he can't imagine Puck or Rachel going through all this trouble to just torment him.

As he reaches for it to finally open it, his heart starts racing. His mind plays like a detective movie at the end where all the clues are revealed. And suddenly the truth stands out to him. Despite all the other bits that had derailed him for the last few years he finally comes to the only conclusion he can: Sam Evans was not dead. Or actually there had never been any proof that he was.

Puck and Rachel would say anything to make him feel miserable. He had an older brother who had simply hugged him and said, “I'm sorry,” before telling him to move on.

As he opens the envelope he realizes that he'd only truly believed Sam was dead because he'd never gotten in touch with him after he was gone. Deep down he knows Sam would have done whatever he could to contact him, but he hadn't. His low self-esteem had made him believe Sam hadn't cared for him. That's why he didn't bother trying to contact him.

Until now, he think as he feels tears threatening to fall any moment as he looks down at the birthday card in front of him. It's blue in entirety with bold black letters that read “Happy Birthday!” When he opens the card he finds a note from a dead person to another.

With the card in his hand he runs out of his room and the front door down to the end of the sidewalk, desperately searching for him. Where was he? As he passes a streetlight he chokes back a sob. He doesn't know yet if its of happiness or sadness. All he could think now was that he was out there, somewhere in Westerville.

When he returns home, Cooper calls out if everything is okay.

“I'm fine,” he says before returning to his room.

But he isn't fine. How could he be? He spends a long time looking at the card and it's words. The tears that had been threatening to spill earlier are nowhere now even though he wants to cry. Each time he tries to cry he just feels out of breath. He walks over to his window and opens the curtains. As he looks out he wonders if Sam will be able to recognize the person he left behind. See the real him under his new look.

The words in the card don't seem real even though they were written with pen.

_Happy Birthday Blaine :)_

There's a house drawn underneath and next to it is taped a cheap ring with a blue rock.

_I'm back._

_Love, Sam Evans_.

 


	2. You're Still A Mystery

Devon wakes up feeling exhausted not having been able to sleep most of the night. Santana calls him out to drink his morning coffee and does a double take when he steps into the kitchen.

He shakes his head as he sighs, “Couldn't sleep last night.”

“Something wrong?” she asks concerned.

Devon stays quiet as he considers mentioning Sam to her. How he'd left him a note that said he was back which meant he'd never been dead. But, he doesn't know if Santana even knows about Sam, if Cooper had told her about him. If Devon brings up Sam to her she's most likely to mention it to Cooper. He doesn't think he's ready for that conversation yet. He shrugs and shakes his head instead as he finishes his coffee and breakfast while waiting for Sebastian to arrive.

It's takes Cooper to glance at him on his way out for Devon to ask Santana for some cover up makeup. He doesn't feel like being hounded down with questions by Sebastian or Tina as to why he looks so tired.

Regarding Sam, he decides to just continue on with his life at the moment until he hears from him again. There's no point at the moment for him to go into panic mode since for all he knows maybe it wasn't really Sam whom had left that note for him. Although in the back of his mind he knows it is from Sam.

Devon gets a smile from Sebastian when he sees that Devon is wearing one of the Brooks Brothers bow ties he gave him. On the ride to school Devon keeps his eye on every male they pass by thinking one of them could be Sam. Sebastian, meanwhile, talks excitedly over the play, how he can't wait for Artie's interpretation, and how he'll be part of the casting process. Devon doesn't say much just nods and agrees when Sebastian goes quiet.

When they arrive to school, Sebastian parks and faces him. “We've got five minutes before the first bell, want to make out?”

Truthfully, no, Devon doesn't want to make out with him at the moment, but still he leans in and kisses Sebastian. Sebastian pulls him closer before placing his left hand on his thigh. While usually that tends to send butterflies in his stomach this time it just makes him nervous. Not because they haven't done something like this before, but because he spots someone entering the school that slightly resembles Sam.

“Your eyes are open,” Sebastian states as he turns to face in the direction where Devon is looking.

Devon faces him and shakes his head. “We're gonna be late, we should go.”

Sebastian sighs before taking a deep breath. “Are you sure you're okay?”

Devon nods as he opens the car door and steps out. When he reaches inside his blazer pocket he can feel the ring Sam had attached to the card.

“Devon,” Sebastian calls out to him a few feet away as he realizes that Devon is still standing by the car. “Are you feeling okay? Do you want me to take you home?”

For a second Devon is tempted to say yes, but knows he'll just go crazy if he's left at home with his own thoughts. “No, I'm fine, just a little tired. Besides we have a test in AP English.”

Sebastian gives him a concerned look before nodding and waits for him to catch. When Sebastian takes his hand he leans in and gives him a kiss on his forehead. “Let me know if you want to go home, okay?” he says as they step inside Dalton and the first bell rings.

Devon nods, but stays quiet as they enter their homeroom class together. Devon is on autopilot mode, going about his classes, but not paying much attention. Whenever he gets asked if he's okay he says he's tired. As much as he tries to pay attention, he can't stop looking away from every classroom door as he expects Sam to walk in at any moment. During lunch he sits in Jeff's usual seat since it has a good view of the cafeteria doors. The topic of conversation continues to be the upcoming play.

“The great part is that there's two female leads,” Tina says when Nick asks if she's planning to audition. “Devon, are you trying out? I think there's some small parts, too.”

Sebastian shakes his head. “No, Devon is going to be the stage manager.”

“Well, maybe since Devon is sitting here with us he can tell us for himself,” Kitty says with an annoyed smile.

Devon looks up from his salad when Sebastian nudges his thigh with his own. “I don't want a part, I don't like being onstage. And like Sebastian said I'm going to be the stage manager.”

Sebastian smirks at Kitty as she rolls her eyes. Jeff and Nick bring up last year's play and the attention is drawn away from him.

When the lunch bell rings and they're getting ready to head back to class, Devon pulls Sebastian aside.

“I can't find my phone, I think it must of have fallen in your car,” Devon says with a nervous laugh. “Can I borrow your keys to go get it?”

Sebastian stares at him before he nods and takes out his keys. “Hurry, or you're going to be late for class.”

“Thanks,” Devon says giving Sebastian a quick kiss and sprinting out of the cafeteria.

As he heads out of the school and walks towards the parking lot Devon has made up his mind. He can't bear to sit at school and just wait for something to happen, he needs to do something.

He is opening the driver side door when a voice speaks from behind him. “Where are you going?”

Devon turns around and looks at Kitty. “Nowhere, I came to get my phone.”

“Really?” Kitty smiles as she places her hand on her hip. “Funny, I saw you glance at your phone before lunch.”

Devon sighs. “Fine, you caught me. I was going to take Sebastian's car to get washed okay? Do something nice for my boyfriend.”

“You wouldn't cut class for that, Devon, not you.” Suddenly her face bursts into a huge smile. “Oh my- you're going to have sex aren't you? Finally, go all the way!”

“No!” Devon says as he opens the car door and motions for her get in, too. “I have to do something. Something important.”

“Something important besides sex that is worth skipping class over, now what could that be?” Kitty asks as Devon drives out of the school parking lot.

Devon doesn't say anything as he wonders where to go from here. Before he drives away he pulls out his cell phone from his blazer and sends Sebastian a text to let him know he found his phone.

“We should go get my car,” Devon says as he begins to drive home which is a quick drive since there's barely any traffic. “We'll drop off Sebastian's car back at school and just take mine,” he says to her before giving her his car key. Kitty follows him back to school where they park Sebastian's car in its original spot.

Devon and Kitty switch seats and Devon begins to drive on the opposite direction of his house. He drives slowly as he scans the streets whenever there is someone walking by.

“So where are we going?” Kitty asks after a few minutes.

“I don't know,” Devon answers as he looks for Sam. However, he realizes he's expecting to find an eight year old with blonde hair and second hand clothes.

When he almost runs a red light, Kitty makes him pull over.

“Okay, maybe if you told me what you're looking for I could do the looking and you could keep your eyes on the road.”

Devon suddenly feels like crying and he looks away as he shakes his head. “Who.”

“Who? Devon!”

“We're looking for a who, not a what,” Devon chokes out as he makes eye contact with her.

Kitty nods. “Okay, I'll drive and you look.”

Devon nods and they switch seats again. Before Kitty begins to drive Sebastian texts them, him first and a moment later her.

“He doesn't like you out of his sight, huh?” Kitty comments as she starts to drive.

"He cares," Devon says as he texts Sebastian back that he wasn't feeling good after all, went home, and that Kitty had his keys.

They pass a bus stop and he tells Kitty to quickly pull over. He gets out without a word and approaches a young man that looks like Sam. As he gets closer and the young man looks at him he realizes the man is actually much too older to be Sam.

“Devon, who are you looking for?” Kitty asks when he gets back in.

“A ghost.”

When he doesn't say anything Kitty begins to drive back to school. When she pulls over at the curb she faces him and watches intently. “So, are you going to tell me?”

Even though there is a small part of Devon that wants to tell Kitty about Sam it would mean telling her about Blaine, too, and he's not ready for that.

“Well?” she prompts reaching for the door handle.

“I guess I'm not.”

Kitty sighs and gets out. As they pass each other and Devon gives Kitty the keys to Sebastian's car she says, “You're suddenly very mysterious, Devon Anderson.”

He drives away and stops at a Rite Aid where he buys a small carton of chocolate ice cream and a bag of Hershey's Kisses. At home he waits until his school calls to inform that he missed the last three classes of the day. He deletes the voicemail from the answering machine and hopes they didn't call Cooper's cell phone.

When Santana arrives in the afternoon she informs him that Cooper is going to be late for dinner. Since it'll just be the two of them, Devon offers to make them mac and cheese. Even though he finished the leftovers they'd brought from the restaurant and half the bag of chocolate, he's still hungry. He has to get the eating urge out of system before he can go back to normal tomorrow he tells himself when he has seconds and barely leaves enough for Cooper.

That night, way late at night after Santana and Cooper have gone to bed, Devon creeps outside to the porch in his pajamas and robe. He feels slightly guilty for not having called Sebastian, but he just doesn't know what to say to him at the moment. He wonders how Kitty explained his leaving to him, but figures she did a good job since Sebastian didn't call him.

His whole life has come to a complete stop upon finding out that Sam Evans was alive and the realization that followed that Blaine Anderson was too. He'd been a fool to believe Blaine was gone. That was a mistake he knew he'd made that afternoon as he ate half a bag of chocolate.

As the wind blows and his body shivers from the cold he looks out into his quiet street.

“Sam,” he whispers into the night. “Sam Evans, come home.”

Devon holds his breath as he waits for Sam to appear any moment in front of him. When he doesn't, he closes his eyes and remembers an eight year old boy smiling at him. When he can't take the cold anymore Devon heads back inside and falls asleep with Sam in his mind.

The next morning he texts Sebastian that he'll be taking his car to school that day. Cooper doesn't say anything about school so he figures they didn't call him. When he steps inside Dalton and heads towards his locker he can see from a distance Sebastian waiting there for him. Even from afar he can see Sebastian is wearing the blue cashmere sweater he'd gotten him for his birthday last year. Seeing Sebastian waiting for him at his locker makes Devon want to throw his hands around Sebastian's neck and kiss him until he can't breathe. He's a few feet away when Hunter appears and stops to talk to Sebastian. He stands closer than he has to and when he touches Sebastian's arm his hand lingers.

Devon makes it to his locker glancing briefly at Hunter before smiling at Sebastian. From the corner of his eye he sees Hunter give him an amused look before chuckling and saying goodbye to Sebastian. Hunter knows though Devon is watching because he lets his eyes linger on Sebastian before walking away.

“Feel better?” Sebastian asks not paying attention to Hunter's looks.

Devon nods as he retrieves some books from his locker. He lets Sebastian put his arm around his shoulder and pull him close as they walk to Homeroom. When they step inside he busies himself looking in his satchel for a piece of gum since he skipped breakfast that morning and his stomach is beginning to growl. Sebastian goes over to sit next to Nick since Jeff is late apparently. Devon takes a seat at the back in his regular seat and quickly attempts to finish his Trigonometry homework since it's due that day. His stomach however is craving something salty and crunchy and deep fried.

Tina sits next to him, tapping him on the arm as she whispers, “Who's the new guy?”

Devon gives her a confused look before he glances at the classroom and spots him. His back is facing them since he's in the front row. He's wearing an untucked plaid flannel shirt and jeans, his dark roots highlight the short blonde hair on his head.

“I wasn't able to see his face that well when I walked in, but I'm sure he's cute. I mean, you can even tell from his back. He looks like he's in good shape.”

“Sam,” Devon thinks out loud, his lips barely making any noise.

Tina stops looking at Sam and turns to face him. “Are you okay? You look really pale.”

“Sam,” Devon says once again, this time louder. Amidst all the other voices in the room Sam hears him and turns around to look at him. When their eyes meet everyone and everything in the room disappears. Maybe he's having a very realistic dream, Devon wonders, except he's not. A second later, Tina, and Sebastian and everyone else reappears as their teacher, Mr. Griffin, enters and introduces the new student to the rest of the class: Sam Evans.

The moment homeroom is over Kitty pulls Tina away, Sebastian leaves with Nick and Jeff, and Devon takes his time putting his stuff away. Almost everyone else is gone, but they barely pay any attention as Sam walks over to him and leaves him a note on his desk. Devon barely makes it to first period on time and when he glances at the note it only says “I'll explain when we're alone.” Even though Sam is in his second period class he doesn't talk to him. In fact besides saying his name to the class, Sam doesn't speak at all. Devon wants to hear his voice and touch him. He fights the urge to reach out to him and touch him to make sure that he really is here.

Tina finds Devon in the hallways as he's walking to his third period class and asks about Sam. “Tell me everything you know about him,” she demands as she clings to his arm.

Devon wants to pull away, but shrugs instead, “I don't know him.”

“Dev, you said his name!”

“I think-”

Just then Sebastian appears and takes his hand. He hopes Tina will drop the subject as they near their class, but she looks at him with expectant eyes.

Devon sighs. “I think we went to the same school as little kids.”

“Wow,” Tina smiles, “And you remembered him?”

“Photographic memory, I guess.”

“Well, he's hot,” Tina says with a smile. “And tall, too.”

“Tina, didn't we pass your class already?” Sebastian asks bored next to him as they reach theirs. Tina sticks out his tongue at him and leaves.

During class he barely pays attentions as he comes up with an explanation for what was happening. Sam moved away, and of course, little kids aren't known for keeping up with long distance friends. That was all. Rachel and Puck would say anything to torture him since they knew they'd get away with it. And now Sam was back, that was it.

Their AP English teacher finishes the lesson early and gives them a few minutes to get started on their homework.

“So what was that about with Tina?” Sebastian asks as he pulls out a copy of his play instead.

“Just Tina being Tina,” Devon answers without looking up.

“She was asking you about that new kid. Do you know him?”

Devon stays quiet before finally he looks up and smiles at Sebastian. “Not really.” He can't say yes without Sebastian asking more questions. “Do we have a play meeting today? Or rehearsals?” Devon asks changing the focus back to the play since it's a good distraction for Sebastian.

Sebastian raises his eyebrows and shakes his head. “We need a cast in order to have rehearsals, and to have a cast we need to hold auditions.”

“So no?”

“No.”

“Oh.” Devon looks down at his homework feeling silly.

The bell rings and Sebastian kisses his cheeks. “Don't stress yourself out, babe,” he says before leaving for his next class.

He walks to his fourth period alone and sits with Kitty instead of Tina so she won't pester him with questions about Sam.

He doesn't see Sam again until lunch. Devon is sitting with Kitty and Tina at their usual table when Tina spots him in the lunch line. He still can't believe how tall Sam is, almost as tall as Sebastian, but their shape build is still different. He looks like the grown up version of the eight year old boy he remembers.

Tina continues to check him out while they wait for Sebastian, Nick, and Jeff to arrive. “The best part is that he's cute, but not too cute so he'll stay out of the cheerleaders radar,” Tina says while giving Kitty a pointed look.

Kitty rolls her eyes, “He's alright, so relax.”

“And he's quiet, so that helps,” Tina adds.

Devon turns to her, “How do you know he's quiet?”

“Look at him, he's practically brooding!”

“He's just standing in line, Tina,” Devon says trying not to sound annoyed. Inside of him, Blaine wants to say, “You don't know anything about him, so don't try to act like you do.”

“Oh, I know!” Tina says excitedly jabbing him on the arm. “Go pretend like you're going to get a drink from the vending machine, and then just happen to pass by him and go, 'Oh my god, Sam, is that you? Hey, why don't you come meet my friends?'”

“That really doesn't sound planned at all.”

“Oh, come on, Dev,” Kitty speaks up, watching him carefully, “Why don't you let Tina here have the first shot at the new kid. Besides, no one should eat alone on their first day. What kind of people would we be if we allowed that?”

“Hey, you keep your paws off him,” Tina says half-jokingly from across the table.

Devon shakes his head as he gets up from the table because he can't sit there and hear them talk about Sam that way any longer. Also, it just makes sense that he should be the one to invite Sam to sit with them.

“Okay,” he says trying to keep his voice steady. He needs to sound casual, like it is no big deal that he is about to go talk to Sam. “But I'm not going to do what Tina just said simply to invite someone to come sit with us. Cause unlike her, I'm normal.”

Kitty laughs. “If you say so.”

Sam watches him approach as he gets near. His steps began to slow as his nerves get the best of him. To top it off Sebastian enters the cafeteria at that exact same time with Nick and Jeff behind him. Sebastian spots him and keeps his eyes on him.

Sam does too, not looking away from him. Keep walking. His feet move on their own and the next moment he's standing in front of Sam. His hair is blonder than he remembers and this time it's short. His full lips stand out the most from his face and he tries not to stare at them. His face also looks clean shaven and it is hard to believe that Sam shaves. The person in front of him is practically a man, but still he can't unsee the boy he remembered.

It's almost too much to take in and his knees give away. Just like when Puck and Rachel had told him about Sam being dead. He fainted in the playground and no one helped him. But this time Sam is standing there and catches him. His hands reach out to catch him.

“It's okay,” Sam says, his voice deep but soothing at the same time.

Devon nods because he still can't bring himself to speak. His hand is on Sam's forearm. Even though there's a piece of clothing between their skins he can still feel the warmth of Sam's arm. A sign that means Sam is alive and real.

The cafeteria line moves forward and Devon is reminded of where they are. He removes his hand from Sam's arm as he remembers that Sebastian and his friends must be watching him.

“You're not dead,” he finally breathes out, looking up at Sam.

“Not that I know of.”

Devon waits until the person in front of them moves ahead in the line before he asks in a low voice, “When can we talk?”

“I can be at your house by four,” Sam says moving forward, but not to close to the person in front of him.

Even though four in the afternoon seems ages away he nods. Sam is that missing link in his mind that he needs to connect all the pieces together so he can look at the bigger picture. He needs Sam to tell him what really happened even if it takes hours. He doesn't care, he just needs to hear Sam tell him everything.

“Wait, how did you know where I live?” he asks a second later.

“Not here. I'll explain later,” Sam promises.

Devon sighs not wanting to demand an explanation there in the middle of the line while knowing that Sebastian was most likely watching so he takes a deep breath and smiles widely at Sam.

“So, hey, you should come sit with us,” he says animatedly, slipping into Devon mode fully. “Once you get your food, of course, just come on over to our table and you can meet my friends and eat your lunch.”

Sam glances at the direction from where he came from and Devon figures Tina and Kitty are most likely staring over at them.

“If you want to,” Devon adds nervously. “You don't have to.”

The line moves once again and they're almost near the serving area. “It's fine, don't worry. Tell them I needed to get some stuff done at the office before my next class.”

Sam turns back to the line and Devon walks back over to his table. Sebastian turns to Jeff once he reaches the table, but Devon knows he was watching the whole time.

“Well?” Tina asks as she looks over towards Sam getting his food.

“He had other plans already, sorry,” Devon says sitting down next to Kitty.

“Damn it,” Tina exclaims slapping her hand on the table. Nick draws her attention and the two join in on Sebastian and Jeff's conversation.

Kitty leans in and whispers, “Are you okay, Dev? For a second it looked like you tripped.”

“Everything's fine,” he says as he turns to his lunch and begins to eat it.

Sebastian doesn't say anything when the lunch bell rings just waves goodbye as he leaves with Tina for their next class. They don't see each other again until sixth period for AP Calculus, but again they don't talk. Seventh period Devon has study hall with Nick, and usually when school is over he waits for Sebastian. Then they head to Devon's locker first and, sometimes, Sebastian's although he barely uses his. Today, however, the moment the bell rings he rushes out of class without a word to Nick and sprints to his locker before he can get caught in the mass of student body.

“Where are you going?” Sebastian asks as Devon shoves a book into his satchel and closes his locker.

“Home.”

Waiting for school to be over since lunch had been torturous and he hoped he didn't look too desperate to go.

“You didn't wait for me after class,” Sebastian points out. “Nick said you just left without a word.” Devon tries not to let out a frustrated sigh as his satchel won't close now. “Hey, what's the big rush?” Sebastian asks reaching for his hand.

“We're having dinner with Santana's parents in Columbus,” he answers not looking into Sebastian's eyes, instead looking down at their hands. “Want me to drive you to school tomorrow?”

“Sure,” Sebastian smiles before his hands move to Devon's waist, pulling him closer, and leaning down so their foreheads touch. It sends butterflies to Devon's stomach and finally he looks up and meets Sebastian's eyes. The first time Sebastian had touched him that way Devon had almost passed out. He had found it hard to believe that Sebastian thought of him in that way. Although they still haven't had sex they have been intimate with each other in other ways.

“When can we be alone again?” Sebastian whispers with a grin.

Devon wants to point out that they were alone together a few days ago, but instead he leans in to kiss Sebastian deeply and sincerely. Even though he wants to get home as soon as possible he also can't deny how he feels when he's with Sebastian. When Sebastian holds him he makes him feel like the only person in the world that matters. He's tempted to say thank you, but instead tells him that soon and promises to call him later at night.

He can still feel Sebastian's eyes on him as he walks to the student lot, but he's too much of in a hurry to look back.

The moment he gets home he rushes to his room and changes. He's going to be alone with Sam and he wants to at least look presentable. He hadn't known that today would be that day so he'd worn the school uniform like he usually did. Except for certain days when Kitty or Tina insisted they match, or all his blazers were at the dry cleaners. He picks out his favorite [maroon pants, a pink checkered blouse, along with a pink dotted bow tie, and tops it off with a blue cardigan](http://36.media.tumblr.com/a8fef4689d9d60e51261d3f6915c3053/tumblr_nj4p4sLZ361r4gxc3o1_500.png). He looks at himself in the mirror and realizes it's too much. Also, it's too Devon. Sam doesn't know about Devon. Sam is expecting to meet Blaine, and truthfully so is Blaine. Even though he knows he should meet Sam as Blaine, he can't, not yet. So he finds a pair of [dark slacks in the back of his closet, changes to a red polo shirt, and puts on a purple plaid cardigan](http://33.media.tumblr.com/ec8a1842c5909b62f8cda32e9f45ec52/tumblr_mx0xi1gMGi1qblbqbo8_250.gif). He's tempted to put on a bow tie, but decides against it.

Devon watches the minutes slowly tick by until finally at 3:50pm he leaves his room and paces outside in the living room. At 3:55pm he goes into the kitchen and eats a big spoonful of the ice cream he bought the other day and didn't finish. The smooth and creamy taste calms him down momentarily.

When the clock ticks 3:57pm a new thought enters his mind. Should he be worried over the fact that Sam knows where he lives? It's not like Cooper and Sam's mom kept in touch, so how did he know? Honestly, at this point Sam was just some guy he hadn't seen in over nine years and suddenly he turns up at his school and knows where he lives.

At 4:02pm he remembers Sam walking him home on the days Cooper couldn't pick him up which were often. He sighs remembering how they just talked about anything and everything. How easy it was and how safe he felt. Until he had to say goodbye to him when they would reach his apartment and Sam would continue walking a few blocks down to his own house.

It feels almost surreal watching Sam walking towards his house while he watches from inside. He glances at the clock, 4:10pm, and watches as Sam gets nearer. Sam is wearing the same clothes he'd been wearing at school. He stops on the first of the three steps and just stares at Devon's house. He stands there for so long that Devon worries he'll turn around and leave so he rushes forward and opens the front door.

“Hi.”

“Hi.”

“Want to come in?”

Sam opens his mouth but instead shakes his head. He took one more step up and stops there. “Can we sit out here?”

Devon walks over and stands on the top step of the porch. They were now the same height. He looks into Sam's face for a moment before nodding. “Yeah.” Devon took a step back and led Sam to the chairs on the porch. They sit down across from each other.

“Hi,” Devon says again.

“Hi.”

“You're here,” Devon adds with a smile. He looks at Sam, the way he's sitting on the chair slightly leaning forward. How he has hands in front of him. Everything about Sam was the way he remembered as a child. “I'm sorry for staring,” he says when he makes eye contact with Sam.

“Stare away,” Sam says with a small smile.

“It's just- you look so different, but also the same.”

“So do you.”

It is Sam's turn to stare now. His blue eyes take him in head to toe and it makes Devon blush. When Sam looks away with a smile, Devon takes a small deep breath. Tears threaten to spill and he chokes up as he thinks, “ _How could you leave me? Why did you leave without saying goodbye._ ”

It takes him a moment to get himself together before Devon asks casually, “How did you find me?”

“I've followed you for a while,” Sam says. Devon's face must look alarmed because Sam shakes his head and let's out a chuckle. “Not literally, I meant I just never lost track.”

It dawns on Devon that since getting Sam's note he's been expecting for Sam to come back from the dead, but the reality is Sam was never gone. Sam had been alive when he cried himself to sleep on nights when he couldn't handle the pain of him being gone. Sam had been alive when he came out, made friends at Dalton, and met Sebastian. He'd been there the whole time. Yet, they had been leading separate lives from one another.

“I looked for you and your brother online,” Sam says breaking his train of thoughts. “I saw his wedding announcement. Even though you changed your name, it was still easy to keep track. It's not hard to find someone you never lost.”

“Do you mean to say that you could have written or seen me sooner?” Devon asks as he struggles to understand what Sam is telling him.

“I really wanted to. Believe me, I almost did many times.”

“I wish you had,” Devon sighs as he thinks about what his life would have been like these past few years had he known that Sam was alive.

“Things seemed different,” Sam says as a matter-of-fact. “Better. Like the statements from parents that enrolled their kids at Dalton. Or that essay you won your freshman year.”

“Wait, you know about that?”

Sam nods. “They included a picture of you and I could just see that things were good for you. You didn't need me to come along and ruin that.”

“Don't say that,” Devon says wanting to reach out for Sam's hand. They both go quiet and a small breeze passes making Devon shiver. “Do you want to go in? I can make coffee, tea, or hot chocolate.”

“I have to go,” Sam says instead standing up.

Devon gets up, too, and reaches for Sam's arm. “No! Already?” He wasn't ready to let Sam out of his sight yet.

“Relax,” Sam says with a grin. “I just have to get ready for work, but I'll be around.”

“Okay, give me your number then, so I can call you.”

“I don't have a phone yet.”

“Fine, find me at school then,” Devon says quickly. “Anytime. Tomorrow, actually, come over and have lunch with us.” Sam stayed quiet. “Really, you can meet my friends.”

"You have a boyfriend," Sam finally says. "I saw you two holding hands."

Devon stays still, holding his breath before nodding. "Yes."

"How long?"

"How long have I known?"

Sam gives him a small smile before shaking his head. "How long have you two been together?"

"Oh, almost two years," Devon answers. He couldn't imagine Sam Evans dating anyone, but surely he must of had. If Devon had Sebastian, then Sam must have, or had, someone out there, too. He doesn't ask though. "He's great," Devon adds with a smile.

"You lost your lisp," Sam points out.

 _And over thirty pounds_ , Devon thinks. "Singing helped."

“Singing? You'll have to let me hear you one of these days.”

“No way,” Devon says before laughing.

Sam smiles. "I liked your lisp. It was... you."

Devon's smile disappears because what Sam actually meant that it was Blaine.

Sam starts to walk down the porch steps. When he's on the first one Devon says his name.

"I'm really glad you're back." He follows him down the steps, looks up, and hugs Sam. Sam seems stunned, but hugs him back. The amazing thing is how their bodies compliment each other. Without having to stand on his toes his head fits perfectly on Sam's shoulder. He smiles as he takes in the happiness he's filled with right now.

"I'll see you tomorrow," Sam says as he pulls back and smiles down at him.

"Okay," Devon says and watches him walk away.

Back in his room he wonders how he'll tell Cooper that Sam is alive. But he can't really say that because Sam had never been dead. He wonders what he would have done if his little brother or kid came and told him that his friend had died. He definitely would have done some checking or asking to at least send flowers to the funeral. Something to have closure. He wouldn't have done what Cooper did which was give him a few days off school and then told him he needed to move on and make new friends. He knows Cooper was busy back then, but he'd definitely try harder at doing a better job to deal with the situation.

He replays his conversation with Sam through dinner and while attempting to finish his homework until Sebastian texts him. They text each other about their AP English assignment and the upcoming play. Although he's tired he feels like he hasn't been a good boyfriend lately and stays up late texting with him.

Half an hour after he should have gone to sleep Kitty texts him, too.

 **KITTY:** He's who we were looking for yesterday, right? The new guy.

He doesn't respond and instead texts back a smiley face to Sebastian's last text.

 **KITTY:** Tina seems obsessed with him.

 **DEVON:** I could tell.

 _SEBASTIAN_ : My parents will be out this weekend, come over Saturday night.

 _DEVON_ : :)

 **KITTY** : so what's the story then? You have to give me something.

 _SEBASTIAN_ : is that a yes?

 _DEVON_ : maybe, I have to check with Cooper and Santana.

 **KITTY** : come on, I can help. If you need someone to talk to I'm your best choice!

 _SEBASTIAN_ : we'll get take out, maybe watch a movie and see how the night goes.

 **KITTY** : hello?!

Devon stops. Kitty makes a point, right now at this moment she's the only person he can actually talk to about Sam. He couldn't go to Tina, Nick, or Jeff. He doesn't notice Sebastian's "so?" text come in and simply texts back: He came over today.

 _SEBASTIAN_ : who?

Devon freezes as he realizes he texted Sebastian instead of Kitty.

 _SEBASTIAN_ : dev, who came over?

He had to reply back or else it'd make things worse.

 _DEVON_ : Sam Evans. The new kid, he stopped to say hello.

He supposes it's best to just be honest.

 **KITTY:** are you still awake?

Devon ignores Kitty's text as he holds his breath and waits for Sebastian to reply. This is the bad part about texting someone, you can't see their face or what they're doing. Sebastian could be talking to someone else or simply wasn't going to respond, but he couldn't know for sure.

 _DEVON_ : it wasn't a big deal, I just didn't know he'd be coming over.

 _SEBASTIAN_ : if you didn't know then how did he know where you live?

Sebastian tests his lying abilities. He is quick and picks up on things others might dismiss. Sebastian claimed it was due partly to his father being a state attorney. However, Sebastian didn't know about Blaine. Sebastian only knew Devon.

 _DEVON_ : Cooper and his mom kept in touch, I guess.

 _SEBASTIAN_ : oh, his mom was with him. Should have said that.

Devon almost starts to text back that no it was just Sam when he stops himself. They text for a while longer until Devon tells him he's going to sleep and promises to pick him up in the morning. Kitty doesn't text him anymore and he feels like he should say something, but decides to do it face to face.

While seeing Sam made him happy it also made him a little sad. The questions he had wanted to ask Sam kept replaying in his mind as he finished the rest of the bag of chocolates. _How could you have left me? Why did you leave without saying goodbye?_

He missed what he and Sam had had before that day. Before Sam told him he loved him and then left. Before everything changed.


	3. Take Me Away

Devon is truly amazed by how well he is handling the reality that Sam isn't dead at the moment. It hasn't even been twenty-four hours since he saw Sam again in person and talked to him, but already seeing him walking towards his table at lunch feels normal. Just like when Devon walked into Homeroom that morning with Sebastian and spotted Sam on the front row he wasn't surprised. It felt right, as if this was how it always should have been.

Devon can feel Kitty's gaze on him as he watches Sam walk over to them during lunch. She had been waiting for him that morning by his locker.

“It's nothing, okay,” Devon sighed as he opened his locker. “It's complicated at the moment.”

Kitty had stayed quiet before squeezing his arm. “Devon, I'm your friend. I just want to help.”

You can't. “I know, thanks.”

He's sitting between Sebastian and Nick with Kitty, Tina, and Jeff across from him on the table. Sam doesn't look at them as he sits down leaving space for one more person between him and Jeff. He's close once again and Tina's remarks of him being “hot” ring true. His blue eyes pull focus but not as much as his full lips, his blonde hair is swept back, and underneath the flannel shirt he can tell Sam is in good shape.

When Sam doesn't say anything, but finally looks up Devon smiles nervously at him, “Everyone this is Sam.”

Sebastian is the first to stand up and extend his hand out to him. “Sebastian.” Sam nods at him as he shakes his hand before looking at Devon again. “So, you know Devon.”

Devon takes Sebastian's hand when he sits down again and smiles at him. “Yeah, we went to the same elementary school until he moved away, but now he's back.”

Tina jumps in with a big smile and introduces everyone else by name to Sam. Devon watches Sam carefully to see if he checks out Kitty or Tina, but he just nods at them.

“It's nice meeting you all,” Sam says as he starts to eat his lunch.

“Were you and Devon in the same class?” Sebastian asks as he wraps an arm around Devon's shoulder.

“Yeah,” Sam responds looking over at Devon.

Jeff grins. “What was he like? Got any pictures?”

Sam shakes his head before he smiles. “Don't need them.” Devon holds his breath, waiting for Sam to mention how chubby he was and his lisp. Instead, Sam taps the side of his head, “Got him memorized since the first time I saw him. Thick messy curls, hazel eyes, good heart... and cute smile, just like he is now.”

Devon feels Sebastian's arm loosen on his shoulder as Jeff gives Sebastian a guilty look, almost as if apologizing for having asked in the first place. Kitty presses her lips together and looks away. He's tempted to say something, but when he looks at Sebastian he's met with a small forced smile. No one else says anything as they avoid making eye contact with him or Sebastian.

Kitty must take pity on as she is the first to speak again. “Well, except for the curls he is definitely all that. We all love Devon.”

 _Maybe not everyone_ , Devon thinks as he sees Tina roll her eyes and turn to her salad.

“We're having auditions for the upcoming play,” Kitty continues after a moment. “There's a few male roles that you can try out for.”

Sam shakes his head. “That's really not my thing.”

“Oh, well you could help backstage,” Nick quickly offers. “Devon's the stage manager so I'm sure he could find something for you to help with.”

Devon is about to nod when Sebastian speaks up, “He said it's not his thing.”

The table goes quiet again. Sebastian removes his arm from Devon's shoulder and turns to his lunch. No one says anything again as they all busy themselves with their own lunch. Devon glances at Sam now and then, but Sam keeps his head down for the most part.

They all look up when Sam picks up his empty tray and stands up a moment later. “Nice meeting you all,” he says to his tray mostly before making eye contact with Devon. “Bye, Blaine.”

Devon holds his gaze and gives Sam a small nod as he watches him walk away.

“Blaine?” Jeff asks looking at him confused.

Devon blushes before clearing his throat. “That's my name.”

“What?” Sebastian turns to face him. “Your name is Devon.”

“Yes, I mean, it's my middle name, which I prefer to go by now, but my first name is Blaine,” Devon confesses.

Sebastian looks at him like he wants to say more, but then Nick says “Oh,” dismissing the conversation.

“He seems shy,” Kitty concludes with a frown after a moment looking at the spot where Sam had been sitting down at.

Tina rolls her eyes before facing Devon. “Not with Devon it seems.”

“Because they know each other from before,” Sebastian states the obvious turning to face them all. “Trust me, I'd be nervous if I was meeting you crazies for the first time.”

Just like that any awkwardness that Sam left in his departure disappears as Nick and Jeff make a joke. Tina turns to Kitty and begins to discuss the upcoming play. Sebastian joins in now and then not noticing how Devon is quiet for the rest of lunch.

Devon doesn't get a chance to talk to Sam after that. Even when school is over, Sebastian is there waiting for him so he can get a ride home. The ride is mostly quiet despite Sebastian constantly changing the radio stations to find Devon's favorite songs so he'll at least hum along. Devon parks his car behind Sebastian's on the driveway and walks inside with him.

“Did I tell you how good you looked today?” Sebastian whispers as he pins Devon to the front door after they step inside.

Devon smiles and shakes his head. “You did not.”

“You know I can't resist you in red,” Sebastian grins as he pulls at Devon's red polo.

“Thanks for being so nice to Sam today,” Devon says as he takes Sebastian's hand, knowing full well he's ruining the mood Sebastian was trying to set.

Sebastian nods as he takes a step back. “Of course, I've got nothing against him.”

“Right.”

“As long as he doesn't try anything with you, hell, he can be my best friend,” Sebastian says as he begins to walk to the living room.

“Sebastian,” Devon sighs as he follows, “Sam knows you're my boyfriend. We can still be friends.” He has to stop himself from adding “right?” He doesn't think Sebastian should have to make that decision for him.

“Within reason,” Sebastian mutters as he takes a seat on the sofa and takes off his backpack.

Devon stands in front of him and asks, “What does that mean?”

“It means within reason, Dev,” Sebastian says not meeting his eyes. “How would you feel if some hot guy I knew from a long time ago showed up out nowhere and described me as having a 'cute smile' and 'good heart'?” Sebastian did air quotations as he quoted Sam.

“You're friends with Hunter Clarington and I don't mind,” Devon shrugs as he looks away. The truth is he does mind. Hunter is taller and from what he's heard much more experienced than he is. If Sebastian left him for Hunter everyone would agree that he had upgraded.

“So you're going to be hanging out with Sam?” Sebastian finally asks.

“He's my friend.”

“And you're my boyfriend.”

“I know that,” Devon whispers and leans down to touch foreheads with Sebastian. “You have nothing to worry about,” he promises.

“Okay,” Sebastian sighs finally and takes his hand as he stands up.

Sebastian doesn't have to ask or say anything as he leads him upstairs to his room. As Sebastian locks the door and Devon unbuttons Sebastian pants he knows they both need this. Reassurance. Things would be okay. They would work it out.

Still as they fall into bed Devon doesn't take off his shirt. He never does when they fool around. This time though it's due to the binge eating he's been doing the last couple of days. It hasn't been as bad as when he was younger, but it's still enough to not let Sebastian's wandering hands linger on his hips for too long.

When they finish Devon lays his head on Sebastian's chest, closes his eyes, and enjoys the high post-orgasm. Sebastian runs his hands over his back before pulling him close. They stay like that for a while longer until they hear a car pull up outside. They quickly compose themselves and go meet Sebastian's mother downstairs.

“Devon,” Mrs. Smythe greets him with a smile, “joining us for dinner?”

Devon shakes his head. “Thank you, but I must get going. Maybe next time.”

“Okay,” she says before heading toward her study.

Sebastian walks Devon out to his car. Devon leans against his car door before looking up when Sebastian clears his throat.

“I'm sorry if I was a jerk earlier,” Sebastian says reaching out for Devon's hand. “About Sam.”

“Yeah.”

“I just think that Sam likes you.”

“Not like that, Seb,” Devon laughs. He couldn't even begin to explain to Sebastian his bond to Sam.

“Well, I do, I more than like you, I-” Sebastian stops and Devon can see a tint of red in his cheeks.

Devon holds his breath. He's not ready for the l-word yet. To say or hear it. They've been together for almost two years now and sometimes he thinks he does love Sebastian. But he's scared to accept that. The reality is that any moment Sebastian will realize he's been wasting his time with Devon and move on. _Just like Sam_ , Blaine says within him.

Sebastian clears his throat again. “I just never thought I'd have competition.”

Devon chuckles as he shakes his head and stands on his tiptoes to kiss Sebastian. “There is no competition. Sam's not a threat.” Sebastian rolls his eyes, but nods. “Pick me up tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow is Saturday,” Sebastian laughs. “But dad is still away on his business trip and mom is visiting my grandma tomorrow, you should drop by.”

Devon nods and let's Sebastian kiss him until his mother calls for him. He leaves Sebastian laughing as he runs back to his house. The further he drives the more he misses him, he's tempted to return and accept Mrs. Smythe's offer to stay for dinner. Anything to just be next to Sebastian and feel like Devon again. Maybe he could call Tina or Nick and Jeff, and the sound of their voices would calm him down. Kitty lives the closest to him but he can't go see her or she'll ask more about Sam. She already knew too much.

He didn't think even being with Cooper or Santana would help. In the back of his mind he was sure that Cooper had known this whole time that Sam had never been dead. Cooper wasn't dumb. Cooper was a nurse, he could have easily checked if it was true. The way Cooper worried about him he's sure he would have done more to make sure he was okay. More than what he had done. As much as he wanted the truth from Cooper he didn't know exactly how to ask for it.

His thoughts lead him to Burger King a couple blocks away from his place. He goes through the drive-thru and orders a burger and fries with a large soda. He stays in the parking lot as he finishes everything and then throws out the trash. When he looks around he sees a 7/11 across the street. He goes over and buys a pint of Rocky Road ice cream along with some M&M's.

Cooper isn't home and Santana asks if he wants take out. He shakes his head and tells her he ate at Sebastian's place. He spends the rest of his night texting with Sebastian as he watches TV in the living room. When Cooper gets home it's late and he heads upstairs to his room. It's past midnight when he takes out the ice cream and M&M's, locks his bedroom door, sits down on the floor and begins to eat the ice cream slowly. He mixes some M&M's now and then, the chocolate overload blocks out the bad memories he has after Sam left. Instead he tries to think of the good ones. The walks, Sam staying over, sitting next to each other during lunch, and the ring. They fade every time he tries to dwell on them. What he really wanted and needed at the moment was to talk to Sam. But without a number to call, address to visit, or email to write to, Sam was unreachable. The same way he had been the past nine years. He finishes the ice cream and finally lies down on his bed as he lets sleep take over him.

The next morning Devon wakes up feeling horrible, mostly due to all the chocolate and restless sleep from the previous night. He descends the stairs quietly and finds Santana in the kitchen.

“Couldn't sleep?” Santana asks as she stands up to turn on the coffee maker.

Devon nods as he reaches for his coffee mug. It's not until he's had a sip of his coffee and sits across from Santana at the dining table that he speaks. “There's this boy,” Dev begins.

Santana's eyebrows rise. “A boy?”

“Yes,” Devon says staring at his coffee. “We went to school together when I was young and now he's at Dalton. We were really good friends.”

“You've never mentioned him before,” Santana says after a moment.

 _Because I thought he was dead._ Devon stays quiet as he continues to drink his coffee and Santana makes breakfast.

“How's your car running, by the way?” Santana asks instead as she sets down some pancakes in front of him.

Devon smiles. “Good, except for the horn it doesn't work.”

“I'll take a look at it later,” Santana sighs as she sits down to eat with him. Cooper loves to sleep in the weekends since he wakes up early for work during the week. “So about this boy, tell me about him,” Santana prompts.

Devon stays quiet for a while. “Well,” Devon begins as he makes eye contact with her. He doesn't even know if she knows about Sam Evans. Has Cooper told her? Santana was aware of his bullying problems as a kid. She was the one who found Dalton for him after all. “It's complicated.”

“Isn't it always?” Santana grins. She changes the subject and talks about one of her cases. How it's been keeping her busy and his thoughts drift away.

Devon wonders if he can trust Kitty enough and explain to her about Sam. After all, besides Sebastian she was the only one to bring up the fact that he wasn't being himself during his birthday. This whole situation would be less stressful for him if he could actually talk to someone. First, he has to get through the day; he has so much to do.

“You should go back to bed,” Santana says as if reading his mind and he returns to the present. “There's a lot of raking to do later.”

“Right,” Devon says as he pushes his half eaten pancakes away. “Thanks for breakfast.”

Santana nods and he goes back to his room where instead he gets rid of all the evidence that last night happened. He cuts the carton and M&M's bag so he can hide them at the bottom of his trash can. Devon tidies up his room before lying in bed and texting Sebastian a good morning text.

Cooper calls him downstairs around eleven so they can go rake the front yard. The two of them rake while Santana picks up the leaves and puts them in plastic bags. They're nearly done when Santana spots him walking towards them.

“If he's selling anything tell him we already bought it,” he hears Cooper say before he turns his back and continues raking.

“You heard him,” Santana says with a grin while looking at Devon.

“Actually, he's my friend,” Devon states as he makes eye contact with Sam. Instantly he wishes he'd applied more gel to his hair and he wasn't so sweaty. When Devon puts his rake on the ground and grabs the hand towel Santana brought earlier to wipe his face, Cooper turns around to face Sam.

“Hey, I know that friend,” Cooper says with a smile as Sam gets closer. “Wow.”

Devon stares at Cooper and waits for him to mention that Sam isn't dead.

“Hi,” Sam greets them all.

“Dev, why didn't you say anything?” Cooper looks at him surprised as he puts down his rake and walks over to Sam. “Look at you, you're all grown up! Wow.” Sam tries not to blush as they hug. “This is my wife, Santana Lopez. Santana, this is Sam Evans.”

Santana nods and shakes Sam's hand. Devon continues to wait for Cooper to say something about Sam not being dead, but instead he asks about his mom and little siblings. The people in Sam's life that Devon had forgotten about because Sam was the only one who had mattered to him back then.

“Sam goes to Dalton now,” Devon mentions when they're done.

“Really? Wow,” Cooper laughs.

Devon can tell Cooper is truly surprised because he's overusing the word “wow.” Santana makes eyes contact with Devon briefly before heading inside the house to get her sun hat and more bags.

Devon is very tempted to point out the obvious to Cooper. _Can you believe it? Sam isn't dead. Remember, we thought he was dead, but he's not. He's right here in front of us._

When Devon takes a step closer, Sam faces him. “I was wondering if you wanted to go get lunch or something with me?”

“Right now?”

Sam nods. “I'll help you finish and then we could go.”

Santana returns as he finishes his sentence and shakes her head. “Nonsense, Cooper and I can finish. You two go.”

Devon looks at Cooper who nods, but doesn't make eye contact with him.

“I'll go get my car keys,” Devon says as he heads inside, changes shirts quickly and applies more gel to his hair. He meets Sam in front and the two drive away in his car.

They end up in a local diner where they stay quiet after they sit and order. Devon's sure he is staring, but can't bother to care at the moment. How can he care about manners when Sam Evans is sitting across from him on the booth they're sharing. He wants to memorize everything Sam does. From the way he put fries inside his hamburger and how he stirs his straw on his milkshake before taking a sip.

Devon picks at the tomato on his salad when Sam looks at him.

“You didn't tell Cooper I was back,” Sam says after he's halfway finished with his hamburger.

Devon shrugs. “Didn't know I was supposed to tell him.”

“Whatever is bothering you just say it,” Sam finally speaks.

Devon gives him a small smile in return before looking down. Sam has been away for so long, but can still read him so well. Perhaps better than his friends at school. Devon shakes his head before taking a deep breath. “I just don't understand how- I mean, we all thought you were dead... I thought you were dead.”

Sam laughs. “Dead? What made you think that?”

“Puck and Rachel said you were,” Devon answers as he continues poking his salad with his fork. “And when I asked Cooper he didn't say you weren't.” Sam doesn't say anything as he continues chewing his food. “Kind of made sense since you never got in touch.”

“I came back.”

“Nine years later!”

Both stay quiet until Devon takes another deep breath and shakes his head. “But it's fine now, right? Cause, like, you said you're back.”

“It's not okay,” Sam says as he reaches for Devon's hand, but Devon pulls away before looking down. “You're mad at me.”

Devon looks up quickly. “No, I'm not. I'm happy. Thrilled that you're here. I'm so happy to see you and that you're alive.”

The truth is he is mad, but mostly hurt. Sam confessed that he had almost written him all those years ago. Everything could be so different now if only he had written one letter to him.

Sam finishes his fries and leaves the rest of his hamburger untouched. Devon's salad looks the same as when he got it.

“Um, listen do you want to help with the play? I could really use some help backstage.”

“Only if you want me to.”

“I do,” Devon smiles and has to stop himself from reaching out for Sam's hand. “Sebastian wrote the screenplay, and Tina and Kitty are sure to get a part. Nick and Jeff always help backstage for extra credit. So it'll be fun and a good way to get to know them better.”

Sam nods, but doesn't look excited at the prospect of interacting with the others. “Okay... hey, we should visit Lima.”

“Lima?” Devon asks.

Sam smiles. “It's where we met. Where you and I became friends.”

Devon remembers the ring. The one Sam had given him nine years ago and the one he included with his letter a few days ago. _I love you_. But he also remembers that's where he lost Sam, too.

“I guess we can make a trip out there,” Devon says slowly after a while.

Finally, Sam starts to look excited. “Good, we can go tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow?” Devon asks confused. Tomorrow is too soon for him, but he doesn't want to let Sam down. “I- Sam, I'm still processing you being alive and going back there-”

“Blaine, I'll be there with you.”

Devon tries to smile. “I know, but-”

Sam shakes his head as he looks down at his watch on his wrist. “I get it. Listen, I'm going to be late for work so I should leave.”

Devon stands up the moment he sees Sam reach over for his coat. “I can give you a ride.”

“I'll get the bus,” Sam says before leaving without another word.

Devon stays rooted, watching Sam walk out of the diner without even saying goodbye. Not even a glance back. It scares Devon how easy that is for Sam to do, but mostly it hurts.

Santana and Cooper make dinner as usual, except this time Cooper talks more than he normally does during dinner. He talks about his shifts at the hospital, about the gossip the other nurses confide in him, about the wine tasting he and Santana will be going to soon. He even talks about the weather and all the errands he wants to get done tomorrow. He talks about everything that he can think of except for Sam Evans. While usually Santana would have cut in, she can sense something isn't right perhaps and stays quiet.

Cooper leaves the moment they finish dinner and Devon offers to help wash the dishes while Santana cleans.

“You know what's interesting?” Devon asks and waits as Santana shakes her head. “Cooper didn't look shocked when he saw Sam today.”

Santana smirks. “Or maybe those acting lessons I finally convinced him to take are paying off. Although he did say 'wow' a lot, so I think he was definitely surprised.”

“Acting lessons?” Devon asks distracted and surprised.

Santana nods. “Becoming a nurse wasn't Cooper's first choice, you know, he wanted to be-”

“An actor,” Blaine finishes remembering all the dancing numbers they'd put for their parents when he was little. He feels guilty as he realizes Cooper gave up his dream to take care of him. However, he can't let go of the Sam things so easily that he blurts out, “It's just that we thought he was dead.”

“Who?”

“Sam.”

Santana stops rinsing the plate in her hand. “What?”

“Yeah, we thought he died since I'd heard at school. Cooper even took off some days from work because I was very upset.”

“When did you find out he hadn't died?” she asks as she finishes rinsing the last dish.

“On my birthday.”

“Wait, so this Tuesday?” Santana faces him surprised.

Devon nods. “He left me a birthday card on the mailbox. That's why I find it strange that Cooper didn't say anything when Sam showed up alive.”

“Well,” Santana gives him a small shrug as she puts the tea kettle on the stove to heat.

“Yeah, well,” Devon repeats as he washes his hands. “I'm going over to Sebastian's place for a bit.”

Sebastian is asleep when he shows up. Devon knows where the spare key is kept and uses it to go inside. He sits down on the sofa and gently wakes up Sebastian.

“Thought you weren't going to come after all,” Sebastian yawns as he rest his head on Devon's lap in the sofa when he sits down.

“I should have called,” Devon says as he lets Sebastian lie there for a few moments.

“I'm hungry,” Sebastian announces a moment later.

“I ate already, but order yourself something and in the meantime we can get some homework done.”

“Really?”

“Yes, I have a ton of work.”

After ordering a pizza, Devon makes Sebastian set his phone timer to an hour so they can at least finish some of their homework.

Devon tries to make some progress on his pre-calculus assignment, but Blaine can't stop thinking about his lunch date with Sam. He wants to be mad at Sam for just showing up out of nowhere. Sam has no idea how much work Blaine has put into becoming Devon. How much he has worked on burying his past away. Now he wants Blaine to be okay with going back to Lima. With Devon to be okay with it. And since when did Blaine break free that he is slowly taking over his mind?

Sebastian's voice breaks his thoughts when he places his head on Devon's shoulder. “So you need to be at auditions on Monday to start taking notes, okay?”

“I thought you were supposed to be finishing your essay,” Devon states as he makes eye contact with Sebastian.

Sebastian looks at his laptop before turning back to face Devon. “I can finish it later.”

Devon dodges Sebastian's lips as he picks up his cell phone. “Come on, we only have twenty minutes left.”

Sebastian pouts, his lips red from all the kool-aid he'd been drinking earlier. Devon rolls his eyes before leaning for a quick kiss. Just then the doorbell rings and Sebastian goes to pay for his pizza.

Sebastian spends the last fifteen minutes editing his paper while he eats. The smell of the pizza distracts Devon momentarily, but he forces himself to not ask for a slice.

He goes back to his homework, as Blaine thinks how nice of a scene the two of them make. Devon and his boyfriend studying together on a Saturday night. How nice it has been for the past two years, how this has become something regular instead of new. Blaine thinks back to the first time Devon had been invited over when Sebastian's parents were out of the house. Sebastian had attempted to make them lunch, but burned the grilled cheese sandwiches. So instead they ate all the fruit on the counter before heading to Sebastian's room where they fell asleep while watching a movie.

Sebastian closes his laptop with a smile once the timer goes off. Again, Devon loses himself in Sebastian's kisses and touches. He forgets about Sam and Cooper as he falls back on Sebastian's bed.

When they're finished, Sebastian holds him and for the first time ever Devon wants Sebastian to call him “Blaine” when he whispers his name.

“Don't leave, Dev,” Sebastian murmurs when Devon tries to get up and look for his jeans.

Devon smiles. “Trust me you don't want Cooper or Santana coming here and making a scene because I stayed over.”

“For you, anything,” Sebastian grins as he pulls on some sweatpants from his closet.

“My hero.”

Devon likes that Sebastian walks him to his car and kisses him until they're both out of breath. It makes him wonder if he'd do the same with Blaine.

He makes it home a few minutes before his curfew. The whole house is dark except for Santana's office study, but her door is closed Devon sees when he tiptoes upstairs and glances down the hallway. 

The next morning he skips out on breakfast although he can hear Santana and Cooper in the kitchen. Neither one of them calls him out to eat however.

As Devon turns on his laptop he wonders if he can just not think about Sam, or Sebastian, or Cooper for the day and complete his homework. He's an hour into his homework when he gets a text from Kitty.

 **KITTY:** So what's the latest on mystery boy?

 **DEVON:** Nothing.

 **KITTY:** Well, Tina wants him.

Devon stops himself from texting back: Well she can't have him.

 **DEVON:** I know.

 **KITTY:** Let's help her. Unless...

 **DEVON:** Unless?

 **KITTY:** Unless you don't want Tina to have him. Whatever reason that may be.

 **DEVON:** I'm with Sebastian.

 **KITTY:** Yeah, but you're not married to him. Just think about it.

Devon doesn't respond. He wonders why Kitty would say that to him. Almost as if saying that if he chose Sam she would be okay with it. Did he not seem happy with Sebastian?

By noon he can't ignore his growling stomach and heads out to the kitchen to make himself a cup of coffee. Cooper is on his laptop when he walks in. He closes the laptop when Devon walks in and smiles at him.

“Listen, Squirt, I know you're always going on how we hardly spend time together and you're going to be leaving for college in less than a year so Santana's off to the spa for the rest of the day. Why don't you and I go to the mall for lunch and maybe catch a movie afterward?” Cooper asks as he stands up.

Devon stays quiet, deep in thought. “So you've talked to Santana today?” he asks instead.

Cooper laughs, “We are married and do share the same bed, little brother.”

Cooper was being nice, too nice, Devon thought. He particularly noted that he was calling him “Squirt.” He only called him that when he wanted to tease him or ask for a favor. Perhaps he was trying to make up for the Sam thing. Devon opened the refrigerator door just to do something and stall for time. Going to the movies would mean just the two of them in the car so Cooper wouldn't be able to escape his questions. As he looked at the food inside he was reminded of his younger self and how he'd found comfort in eating.

Enough.

Devon closes the door and looks at Cooper who is now looking through his phone. “Why did you tell me Sam Evans was dead?” Devon notices Cooper tense, his fingers hover on his cell phone for a second before he continues scrolling. “Cooper.”

“I never told you he was dead,” Cooper finally answers looking up.

Devon takes a deep breath. “You let me believe he was dead. My best friend. The only person I had.”

Cooper stays quiet before he leans against the counter and sighs. “Devon, it was complicated okay?”

“Complicated how?” Devon asks his hand gripping the refrigerator door handle.

“Dev, you and I were struggling after we left Aunt Katy's place, but we had our grandparents to fall on, Sam's family didn't. His mother confided things in me when we had the mandatory parent-teacher conferences. Lilian said there was a chance her husband would lose his job and that if they did they would leave the state. When Sam stayed that week with us it was because they'd had their electricity and water cut off. Things were really bad for them, Dev. When you mentioned Sam hadn't been at school I stopped by their apartment and found an eviction notice.”

“But when I asked you if he'd died, you still lied to me. I asked you and you lied to me.”

“No, I didn't,” Cooper protests his voice weak.

“Yes, you did!” Devon nearly shouts. “He was my only friend. I had one friend and you let me believe he was dead. You have no idea what he meant to me.”

Cooper sighs, “Yes, I did. I just didn't know how to tell you and figured it would be easier for you this way, I know it wasn't though.” Devon can feel his eyes begin to sting from the tears that are threatening to fall. All those months of teasing he had to endure alone. “Believe me, I wanted to take you out of that school, maybe put you in private school, but I wouldn't have been able to afford it. I hated seeing you so sad.”

“You could have told me the truth,” Devon says as he lets go of the fridge handle once his fingers start to ache.

Ever since that night when Cooper had told him to move on and try harder things changed. Devon only went to Cooper for the essentials. It wasn't a bad relationship between the two per say, specially after Cooper started dating Santana. Cooper had probably thought Devon was respecting his space, but he just couldn't trust his brother anymore. He wonders how different their relationship would be now if Cooper had only been honest from the beginning.

“You had no right,” Devon finally manages to say before the tears start to fall. “I was only eight and you let me believe my best friend was dead.”

“Devon, come on,” Cooper says, “I really thought if you believed he was dead you'd be able to grow up and become your own person. Which you did! I mean, look at you now, look at who you became without him.”

Devon wants to shout that he has no idea what the last nine years have been for him. How he's hidden himself behind Devon, the perfect child. Without Sam, Blaine became a lost person and almost nonexistent.

“You two were very close for two kids your age,” Cooper struggles to say. “I mean, maybe you knew then you were gay, but I was just worried for you. I sometimes think that if he had stayed he might still be your only friend.”

Devon shakes his head. “You watched me cry for days. You knew how bad I felt. You shouldn't have lied.”

He almost confesses to Cooper why it had been particularly painful. The note and ring. How he'd had to deal with heartache by himself. How the thought of rejection now affected him. Affected his relationship with Sebastian because deep down he wasn't being true to himself.

“I just- I did what I thought was best,” Cooper states after a moment of silence looking down at the table. “You were so young, Devon, _I_ didn't know-”

Devon walks out of the kitchen and runs to his room to get his car keys. Cooper doesn't stop him as he leaves the house. He drives around the city with no destination, as he reads texts from Sebastian at each stop light.

“Where are you?” reads the tenth text from Sebastian.

Devon doesn't answer. He doesn't speak until he's ordering through the drive-thru of McDonald. An hour later he stares at the burger carton and milkshake cup while suppressing the urge to cry. He told himself he'd stop, but with everything that's happened he can't. Can't force himself to stop. When he eats he finds some small comfort. It's his only available outlet.

While normally he talks to Sebastian or Kitty or Santana, right now he can't. The only person he needs to talk to Sam, but after yesterday he doesn't think it'll be possible now. Will Sam even understand what happened after he left? How Blaine left along with him and had been gone this whole time until now? With Sam being back that meant Blaine didn't have to hide anymore. But he was scared to fully let him back in. Everyone in his new life knew and loved Devon, would they feel the same about Blaine?

 


	4. Wild Heart

Santana tries to talk to him after he gets home, but instead he hides in his room. He uses the excuse of homework for her to leave him alone. He feels guilty for being mean to her as well, because she had no part in this. It wasn't her fault that Cooper lied or that Sam came back. He knows she cares and is worried about him, but at the end of the day she would be in Cooper's corner. And for the moment he just wanted to be mad and alone.

As Devon lies in bed he comes to the conclusion that in order to fix things with Sam he can't go about them as Devon. He has to be Blaine again. Sam knew Blaine, not Devon. That's why it was so difficult to make any progress when they talked. He also had to come clean with Cooper about what happened and maybe actually listen to Cooper explain why he lied.

His cell phone rings next to him and as he looks down at Sebastian's name on the screen. He hasn't talked to him all day, but he's not in the mood to talk at the moment, so after the third ring he presses 'ignore'.

Monday morning, however, whatever trace of Blaine he believes is left he hides as he slips back into Devon and steps inside Dalton. Sebastian is already waiting by his locker.

“You didn't call me back last night,” Sebastian pouts.

“Sorry, Cooper wanted to hang out. Brother bonding time,” Devon lies after a moment as he stands on his tiptoes to give Sebastian a quick kiss.

Sebastian smiles before turning serious a second later. “I really needed to talk to you about the upcoming auditions, you couldn't have spared a second?”

“I'm sorry,” Devon sighs and closes his locker. “When are auditions?”

“Today! Devon, I told you on Saturday and I would have reminded you last night if you had picked up my calls.”

Devon has a hard time not letting out a frustrated sigh so instead he mumbles sorry again. However, when he looks up at Sebastian he can tell he's really upset about it. He knows the play means a lot to Sebastian and he feels guilty for lately putting him off. “I'll be there,” he promises as they step inside Homeroom.

Sam doesn't show up to school which upsets Devon, but doesn't really surprise him. Sam comes and goes as he pleases. He doesn't know why he hoped this time it would be different.

He uses this opportunity though to slip back into Devon mode completely. He volunteers and participates in his classes, just like he'd been doing the previous week before Sam showed up. During lunch he sits next to Sebastian, with their arms around each other. He laughs at Nick and Jeff's jokes even if he's not in the mood. He even comes in between Tina and Kitty when Kitty reveals she is trying out for the same role as Tina.

“Dev, tell Kitty why that role is perfect for me and not her,” Tina says annoyed when Sebastian refuses to answer her.

Devon shrugs as he finishes his salad. “Kitty's allowed to try out for whatever role she wants and expand her horizons, so should you.”

“What if someone else gets the lead roles?” Nick chimes in which earns him a glare from Tina.

“Lead roles are given to seniors,” Tina states before turning to face Sebastian. “Besides we're Sebastian's friends.”

Sebastian scoffs. “I just wrote the screenplay, remember?”

There's something about Sebastian's remark that makes Devon stop eating and look at him. He decides to ask him about it later.

“Why don't you just try out for both roles?” Devon suggests after a moment.

Tina shakes her head and stands up, claiming she has something to do before class and leaves. To break the awkward silence that followed Devon asks Kitty if she wants to go to the gym after school.

“Hello, auditions?” Sebastian reminds him.

“Oh, right,” Devon shook his head before facing Kitty again. “After that, then?” Kitty nods and a couple of minutes later the bell rings.

As Sebastian walks him to class Devon decides to ask him about his comment during lunch. “What did you mean when you said you'd only written the screenplay?”

Sebastian stays quiet before looking down. “Artie doesn't think I should have an input on the casting decision. That's why I need you there with me today, okay?”

When he looks at Sebastian he can see how vulnerable he is and nods. He rarely has these moments with him.

“I don't understand,” Devon presses on a moment later. “You told me you would be allowed to be part of the casting process.”

“I did, too,” Sebastian sighs. “On Wednesday, when I went to ask him about auditions he said I didn't need to be there. He said he was the visionary for my writing. I mentioned it to Mrs. Pillsbury-Schuester afterward and she said I should show up no matter what. If you're there with me though, he won't say anything.”

Devon nods. “I'll be there.”

When school is over, Devon finds Sebastian waiting outside his class. “I thought we could walk to the auditorium together,” Sebastian says holding out his hand.

Devon smiles as he tries hard to concentrate on Sebastian and what he's saying instead of thinking about Sam. They enter the auditorium, but get separated from sitting together when Artie asks that Sebastian to sit next to him.

Devon sits down more towards the back at Artie's suggestion. From what he can tell Artie is very demanding and not afraid to voice out his opinions. Mrs. Pillsbury-Schuester tries to keep him in check, but for the most part Artie runs the show. He can also tell Sebastian is trying very hard to hold back his tongue.

Tina doesn't even audition for one of the leads, instead going for a small one. Kitty rocks her audition and Blaine knows she'll get the lead for sure, even without having to flirt with Artie. 

They are halfway through auditions when Mrs. Pillsbury-Schuester calls the next person and Sam walks in. Sebastian who'd been going through his notes with Artie looks up before turning around to face Devon. Devon shrugs, but smiles when Sam looks in his direction. He tries to play off his staring as curious, but he hasn't seen Sam in over two days.

“Um, well there's only two male parts in the play,” Sebastian says when Sam stands there without speaking.

“I don't want a part,” Sam interrupts. “I told Blaine I would help backstage. You still need people?”

“Oh, yes!” Mrs. Pillsbury-Schuester answers quickly and excitedly. “Devon will take your information, he's in charge of the backstage stuff.”

“I thought we only offered people to be part of the crew if they auditioned but didn't get a part,” Sebastian says not so quietly to Artie.

“Well, we can never have too much help. Specially from someone so tall,” Artie comments with a wave of his hand for Sam to get off the stage.

“And I have my own tools,” Sam offers.

“Perfect!” Mrs. Pillsbury-Schuester exclaims before pointing to Devon. “Devon, you've got a volunteer.”

Devon nods as Sam walks over to him. He hands Same the pen he is holding and tries to appear calm as Sam writes down his number. He can feel Sebastian staring over at them even though Mrs. Pillsbury-Schuester has already called in the next person.

“I just got it today,” Sam speaks in a low voice when he hands back the pen. “You can call me anytime you want now.”

“Thanks,” Devon whispers and Sam leaves. He doesn't look up again until he has the cell phone number memorized.

Kitty and Devon meet at the gym where it doesn't take long for her to bring up Sam.

“Two birdies told me Sam is helping backstage,” Kitty says after she steps out of the girls' locker room with a smile. “That should be interesting.”

Devon shrugs as he avoids eye contact. “Interesting?”

Kitty rolls her eyes as they wait for their yoga instructor to get to class. “Do you think we haven't noticed the way you've been acting lately ever since Sam showed up? The last time Tina and I saw you behave this way was when Sebastian kept flirting with you and asked you out.”

“What are you getting at?”

“Just don't forget that Sebastian is your boyfriend.”

“I haven't,” Devon replies annoyed.

“Well, thanks to Jeff we all know you two still haven't gone all the way. I mean if you're not ready to show Sebastian how much you care for him, then maybe you should tell him,” Kitty suggests giving him a knowing look.

Devon blushes. “Can we stop talking about my sex life? Just because you all know that it doesn't mean it's an adequate conversation topic.”

“Why haven't you at least dropped the 'L word' yet, then?

“Love means a big commitment.”

“You've been together for more than two years, Devon. If Sebastian didn't care for you he wouldn't have stuck around this long,” Kitty points out before sighing. “You know, Sam isn't hiding the fact that he's into you and Sebastian seems to be growing tired of pretending like he doesn't notice what is going on between you two.”

“There is no two,” Devon clarifies. “Sam isn't into me, okay? I don't even think he's gay.”

“Maybe he's bi,” Kitty shrugs.

“Where did this even come from?” Devon asks confused. “Just the other day you were reminding me that I wasn't married to Sebastian and now you're encouraging me to take the next step in our relationship?”

“I'm just letting you know that you have options,” Kitty says before sighing. “Fine, then why don't you help Tina with Sam? After the way things ended with her and Mike she hasn't really been into anyone.”

Devon didn't say anything and didn't get a chance to since at that moment their instructor walked in and started their session.

After they were done and leaving the gym, Kitty stopped walking before they reached their cars and faced him. “Just remember Sebastian cares for you, a lot, but if you feel something for Sam then you should be honest with yourself at least. Before someone gets hurt.”

Kitty got into her car and waited until he was inside his before she drove away with a wave goodbye.

Devon let his head fall into the wheel. He needed to sort out this giant mess. He took out his cell phone and typed out Sam's number. He couldn't bring himself to press 'call' no matter how much he wanted and needed to. He didn't know why he couldn't do it when this was what he wanted. A connection to Sam. It scared him now that he had the chance to talk to him whenever. He wonders if Sam had felt this way all these years and that's why he had held back in getting touch with him.

Devon got home before his curfew and found Santana dozing off in the living room. She woke up when he sat next to her on the couch. “Did Cooper go to sleep already?” Devon asks looking in the direction of the kitchen.

“He waited for you, but he has an early shift tomorrow,” Santana informs him as she closes her laptop. “You know he feels really bad about what happened.”

Devon shakes his head. “It's not that easy, San,” Devon sighs as he looks down. “It's just not fair.” He stops before his voice breaks. “I'm gonna go shower.”

The next morning Devon has to force himself out of bed. He couldn't get any sleep after his conversation with Kitty kept replaying in his head. As Devon he didn't want to lose Sebastian, but as Blaine he also couldn't say no to Sam. He knew he was being selfish for wanting to hold on to both of them. _Had things really been much more easier when he had thought Sam was dead?_ he wonders as he gets ready.

“Dev, your coffee is going to get cold!” Santana calls from the kitchen.

Devon had been thrown off his normal schedule that he'd forgotten to buy more gel during the weekend. Luckily, he'd stashed his spare gel in his car for emergencies.

“I need to get something from my car,” he calls out as he runs past the kitchen towards the front door.

Devon opens his car door and gasps. In the front passenger seat is Sam, he'd reclined the seat all the way back, but even then his feet were still cramped. Devon sat in the driver's seat before facing Sam and waking him.

“Sam, what are you doing here?” Devon asks.

“Sleeping?” Sam shrugs as he rubs his eye with the back of his hand.

Devon wants to ask why, but instead invites him inside for breakfast. The two walk towards Devon's home and head to the kitchen where Cooper is grabbing his lunch for the day. Santana smiles at Sam before she heads back to her room upstairs to finish getting ready.

“Sam!” Cooper smiles widely. “Grab something to eat. I have to go, but it was nice seeing you, Sam. Dev, be good.”

Devon nods making eye contact with him briefly. They still haven't had a full conversation since Devon confronted him about the truth.

“I don't think I remember a time when you weren't good,” Sam says amused as he peels a banana.

Devon smiles. “If I remember correctly, it was always you getting in trouble at school.”

Sam smiles back as he takes the plate Devon hands over and grabs the milk from the refrigerator.

Devon and Sam make it to school during the last ten minutes of Homeroom. Devon can feel all eyes on him as he takes a seat up front with Sam since all the back seats are taken. When the bell rings, Mr. Griffin asks that he and Sam stay behind so they can receive their detention slips.

After his first period class he is surprised to find Sebastian waiting for him.

“So why did you and Sam arrive late together?”

“I saw him and offered him a ride,” Devon lies as he stops by his locker to leave his books. Devon had hoped Sebastian wouldn't make a big deal of him and Sam arriving late together. “Just like I would have for anyone else,” Devon adds looking up at Sebastian.

“How thoughtful of you,” Sebastian mutters. “Then why were you late today?” he asks as they make their way to Devon's second period class. “You're never late, you pride yourself on being early everywhere, Dev.”

“I'm not perfect, Sebastian, I just took longer getting ready this morning.”

Sebastian doesn't say anything and keeps frowning. Devon wants him to reach for his hand or kiss him to let him know that they're okay.

“It's just a coincidence that the first time you're late to school is the same day that you offer Sam a ride to school?”

“Yes,” the lie spills out Devon's mouth easily. He doesn't want to lie to Sebastian, but he doesn't think Sebastian would be happy with the truth.

They reach his classroom and stand outside the door with two minutes to spare before the bell rings. Devon leans on the door and is about to reach for Sebastian's hand when Sebastian invades his space, grabs him by the waist, and kisses him hard. Devon almost kisses him back when he hears someone scoff next to him as the door is pulled open.

“Excuse me,” Sam's voice says annoyed as he attempts to step inside.

“Do you mind? I'm kissing my boyfriend,” Sebastian challenges pulling Devon closer.

Sam doesn't say anything else as he steps inside. Sebastian stares at the closing door before letting go of Devon. Devon turns red as he realizes there's a few students watching them.

“You didn't have to do that,” Devon's voice comes out small. Just like it usually does before he is about to cry. Something he hasn't done at school since he was a kid.

Sebastian struggles for a moment with a reply, but just then the bell rings. Sebastian shakes his head as he sighs, “I have to get to class.”

Devon enters his class and sits in the first empty desk he finds which is two seats away from Sam. Sam makes no attempt to look at him and everyone in class doesn't seem to notice how hard he is currently trying not to cry. However, his teacher notices when he won't look up from his book. Mr. Jones asks if he's okay and Devon shakes his head because he doesn't trust himself to speak. Quietly, Mr. Jones offers him a pass to step outside and Devon nods. He takes the pass and steps outside without looking up before he runs to the bathroom. He locks himself in a stall and cries. He hates crying. Crying at school is so not Devon.

He used to cry in school almost every day as a child after Sam left. Everyone made fun of him for it and even the principal was tired of him when he couldn't get a hold of himself. He had to force himself to stop when Cooper told him that the constant crying could have their social worker thinking Cooper wasn't taking good care of him.

He stays in the bathroom until his class is over. He goes to his other classes barely paying attention to Sebastian during AP English even though they sit next to each other. During lunch he returns to his second period class to make up for missing class. At the end of the school day he goes to detention where Sam doesn't show up even though he'd also received detention. Devon stays the required twenty minutes before stepping out and finding Sebastian outside the room. He is tired and not in the mood to talk so he continues walking towards the exit without a word.

“Hey, what about the play?” Sebastian asks catching up to him.

Devon sighs and looks at Sebastian, waiting for him to apologize for earlier. Instead, Sebastian scratches the back of his neck, something he did when he was nervous. Deep down, Devon knows Sebastian is sorry for what he did. He acted out in jealousy he had concluded earlier. Kitty had warned him that Sebastian was growing weary and seeing him arrive this morning with Sam hadn't helped. That doesn't excuse him, Blaine quips in from somewhere in the back of his mind. As Devon, he agrees. He's not going to just let this go easily, but he's not in the mood to argue at the moment.

“I have to get home,” Devon says when Sebastian stays quiet. “I'm sorry, I'll have to miss today.”

“Fine, we're just doing the final casting, anyway. Not a big deal,” Sebastian adds underneath his breath.

“Good. Have fun,” Devon remarks turning around and beginning to walk away.

“Devon-”

“What now, Sebastian?” Devon's voice comes out irritated. His expression must show it, too, as he turns to face Sebastian because he just shakes his head at him.

“Never mind. You know what, when my presence doesn't bother you I guess we'll talk.”

Before Devon can say anything Sebastian turns away and walks in the opposite direction. Devon takes a deep breath and heads outside to the parking lot. He finds Sam waiting by his car.

“If you miss detention you get an additional one, did you know that?” Devon asks stopping in front of Sam and looking up.

Sam shrugs. “I'll make it up tomorrow.”

“Do you need a ride?” Devon asks after a moment. Sam doesn't say anything so Devon unlocks both doors before going over to the driver's side. As he places his backpack in the back seat, Sam opens the passenger's door and gets in.

“Let's go to Lima, Blaine,” Sam urges when they sit there for a couple of minutes without saying anything.

Devon wishes he could nod and just drive them there. He should do whatever is possible to talk to Sam, but he can't bring himself to return to the place that brought him so much pain.

“You're not alone anymore, Blaine. I'm here,” Sam adds.

Devon stares ahead knowing he was right. Sam came back for Blaine, but instead he found someone else. Perhaps, Sam believed if they went back to Lima then Blaine would return. But Blaine was here, he had never left. All Devon had to was let go.

“I can't,” he finally says to himself and Sam as he shakes his head. “I won't. I promised myself I would never go back there if I could.”

“Okay,” Sam sighs.

“Do you still want to go somewhere?” Devon asks quickly turning on the engine for fear that Sam will get out and leave.

Sam nods. “Anywhere.”

Devon drives them south. Away from where Dalton is towards a family park. Devon takes a deep breath as he prepares to ask something he's been wondering since the morning.

“Um, how did you get inside my car, by the way?”

“You left your car open.”

“Oh,” Devon says. He wants to ask why again, but stays quiet. They don't talk much after that, but it's not awkward or uncomfortable silence.

At the park they find a trail that leads towards small hills. They walk past them towards the soccer field and look for a place to rest. They sit down on the grass a feet apart with their back against the sun near the field since all the picnic tables are occupied.

Devon takes in the moment and closes his eyes as he blocks out the kids playing ball a couple of yards away. He takes a deep breath before speaking.

“Cooper told me why you moved away. I'm sorry that happened to you and your family.” Sam nods, but looks away. “Sam, I need you to be honest with me. Just tell me why were you in my car this morning. Where are you living right now? What has your life been like these past nine years? Why did you really come back?”

Before Sam can say anything Devon's cell phone rings. He recognizes the ringtone which belongs to Sebastian. He puts his phone on silent and puts it away. He turns his attention to Sam waiting for him to say something.

“Do you remember the first time we talked?” Sam asks instead.

Devon looks at him before sighing and shaking his head. “You know, I've been trying to remember all these years and I never can. I wish I could remember what you said to me.”

Sam laughs. “You were the one who talked me first. Before that I remember I used to watch you. You always sat by yourself on a bench with a book.”

“What did you think when you saw me?” Devon asks since Sam seems to finally be in a sharing mood.

“That you would understand me. And I would understand you.”

 _I sometimes think that if he had stayed he might still be your only friend_ , Cooper's words come back to Devon as he looks over at Sam and makes eye contact with him. It was a tempting scenario of what could have been. Sam being the only person in Devon's life all these past years. The two being there for the other unconditionally. Devon wouldn't have to fake anything. Looking at Sam now it makes him want to slip himself into that life and leave behind the life he had created for Devon.

So he lets go. Devon fades away. Finally, it's just Blaine and Sam in that park.

“Where do I even begin?” Sam asks out of nowhere. “How do I even start to tell you everything?”

“Tell me anything,” Blaine pleads. “I just want to know.”

“It feels like I've already told you everything that has happened. I've been talking to you in my head since I left,” Sam confesses in a low voice.

“Hey,” Blaine says softly reaching for Sam's hand. “I'm here. In the flesh.” To emphasize he gives Sam's hand a small squeeze. “Talk to me now.”

Sam looks at him and Blaine loses himself in Sam's blue eyes. Those same blue eyes he looked at as a child and laughed with. The way Sam is looking at him is too much to handle and he closes his eyes. Blaine can feel Sam scoot closer and then his hand touches his cheek. When he opens his eyes Sam is much closer and continuing to get closer to him.

Something hits Blaine's back and when he looks over a soccer ball is rolling nearby. Sam gets up, grabs the ball, and throws it back to the kids that come to retrieve.

“We should go,” Devon says as he regains control of himself and stands up.

Sam stays quiet and follows him back to the parking lot.

“We should have gone to Lima,” Sam finally speaks as Devon drives out of the parking lot.

“I can't,” Devon repeats.

“But I'm here with you now. We're together.”

“Not right now,” Devon finally decides. “Some other time, maybe.”

“What's the big deal?” Sam asks.

“You just can't come back and expect me to be okay with going back there.” Devon almost shouts as he stops at a red light.

Sam's expression darkens as he looks away. “Sorry, I came back and messed up you life,” he says as he unbuckles his seat belt and opens the door.

“I didn't say that,” Devon begins to say, but Sam ignores him as he steps out into the street and walks away again without a glance back.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for what I believe to be an abrupt ending, but if I didn't cut it here the chapter would have gone on much longer. At least now you can expect a quicker update.


	5. Who I Want You to Love

Devon goes home and locks himself in his room. He doesn't know if he wants to throw up or just cry. When it dawns on him what almost happened at the park he begins to feel guilty for letting Blaine take over and almost screw things up for him and Sebastian. The moment had just felt right and it had been nice to stop pretending. Of course, Sam didn't understand and now he was upset with him, too. It seemed that no matter how he went about this someone would get hurt in the end. He couldn't keep pushing away Sebastian to be with Sam and vice versa. Neither boy wanted to cave and admit that perhaps they had made mistakes.

He attempts to calm himself down by thinking about other things... like the box of cookies he saw on top of the fridge the other day. He can't go out and eat them at the moment since Santana and Cooper are in the kitchen making dinner.

He takes a deep breath as he pulls out his cell phone and dials Sam's number. But instead of hitting 'call' he puts his phone away since there's a good chance Sam won't even pick up. He starts taking out his homework and laying it on his desk so he can get started on it before dinner when he hears the doorbell ring. A moment later Cooper is calling his name.

Devon's heart skips a beat and he forces himself to stop smiling before exiting his room. Could it be that Sam came to see him? However, he's surprised to find Sebastian standing outside.

“Dinner is going to be ready in fifteen!” Santana calls out to him as he passes by the kitchen to the front door. Devon nods and steps outside unto the porch.

“Hi, sorry I couldn't answer earlier,” Devon says referring to Sebastian's call since it's half true.

“You didn't call me back after,” Sebastian points out. “I was going to call again, but thought it'd be better if I apologized in person.” The two make eye contact. “I'm sorry. I was a complete jerk this morning and I shouldn't have kissed you that way,” Sebastian apologizes sincerely.

Devon nods. “Thank you. I appreciate you apologizing and I accept your apology.”

Sebastian smiles before pulling in Devon for a hug. “I felt horrible all day, specially when Hunter told me you left second period and didn't come back.”

“Hunter told you?” Devon asks pulling back.

Sebastian frowns. “He just wanted to know if were okay.”

“I'm sure he did,” Devon mutters taking a step back from Sebastian.

Devon looks up in time to see Sebastian roll his eyes. “So it's okay for you to be jealous of Hunter, but I shouldn't be of Sam?”

“I'm not jealous,” Devon shrugs looking away.

Sebastian sighs. “I'm sorry, okay? I can't help it, but just the thought of you and Sam... that you'd leave me for Sam, I don't know if I could handle it.”

“What?” Devon says confused facing him. “Sebastian-”

“It's dumb, I know.”

“Not at all.” Sebastian won't look at him and the part of him that is deeply into Sebastian panics. “Hey, I'm yours,” Devon says without thinking twice knowing it's the best reassurance he can give to Sebastian without saying “I love you”.

Sebastian's face immediately brightens up as he smiles and sighs in relief. “Devon, I-” he stops and shakes his head. “Mine,” Sebastian blushes as his hands pull Devon close. “And I'm yours.”

Devon giggles and Sebastian pulls him in for a kiss. They kiss until they hear Cooper coughing from inside and the two pull away with a chuckle.

“Stay for dinner?” Devon asks.

“Sure, let me just call my mom to let her know,” Sebastian says and Devon heads inside.

“I invited Sebastian to stay over for dinner,” Devon says to Cooper when he enters the dining room.

Cooper nods. “Hey, I was thinking we could have Sam and his family over for a barbecue this weekend.”

Santana walks in with a pot. “If that's okay with you, Dev.”

“Why would it not be? Sebastian can come, too,” Cooper adds with a smile before he walks to the kitchen to retrieve an extra plate.

“I'm sure he'd like that,” Devon mutters.

Devon uses dinner to fully slip back into his usual self. Sebastian talks to Cooper about football and politics with Santana. Devon listens, holding Sebastian's hand the entire time, and joining in the conversation now and then. Thankfully neither Cooper or Santana mention Sam. It almost feels like things are back to normal.

After dinner Devon walks Sebastian to his car since it's a school night and can't stay for long. The two stand there for a while not saying before Sebastian speaks first.

“Oh, we have a cast list. Kitty got one of the leads and that sophomore, Harmony, got the other one.”

“What about Tina?” Devon asks after a moment.

“She's in it, too. Artie insisted she be in it, I think he likes her. Besides, she wouldn't forgive me if I didn't include her despite the fact that she didn't show a lot of enthusiasm during her audition,” Sebastian adds.

“She'll do good,” Devon smiles. “So rehearsals are tomorrow?”

“Just a table a reading, but you should still come so you can bond with the rest of the cast,” Sebastian suggests.

“Okay.”

“So we're okay?” Sebastian asks after a moment, his breath forming small clouds from the cold. They make eye contact and Devon nods because maybe they are. After all no relationship is perfect. Besides, it's enough for him that Sebastian really likes him enough that he's making an effort. They kiss once more before Sebastian gets in his car and leaves.

The tapping on his window wakes him up. For a second he thinks it might be rain, but realizes that it's too late in the season for rain. The tapping stops for a few seconds before it continues again. He walks over to his window carefully even though he already knows who he's going to find there.

“Sam,” he says when he opens his window and Sam is standing outside in the same clothes he wore during the day.

“Let's talk.”

“Now?”

Sam shrugs. “You don't have to let me in, but you can ask me whatever you want and I'll answer it.”

Devon looks into Sam's sincere face and nods. “Hold on,” he says as he walks to his closet and takes out the small step ladder he has. He hands it to Sam so it's easier for him to climb through the window and into his room.

“You could have called,” Devon suggests when Sam is standing in his room.

“Didn't think you would answer after what happened this afternoon,” Sam whispers as he looks around Devon's room. “You have a shrine for your bow ties.”

Devon chuckles. “It's not a shrine, it's a [display](http://www.fayeandco.com/2010/08/forage-display/). Sebastian's mom designed it for my birthday.” Sam goes quiet at the mention of Sebastian. “Take a seat.” Devon points to his desk chair, grabs a spare blanket from his closet, and gives it to Sam. “You can take off your shoes.”

Sam nods and takes his shoes off before wrapping the blanket around him.

It's not until Devon is back in his bed, under his blankets, sitting up and looking at Sam that he says his name again.

“Cooper wants to have your family over this weekend, by the way.”

Sam shakes his head. “My mom and dad are in Kentucky.”

“But- Where are you staying then? I mean the other morning you were in my car,” Devon recalls. “Tonight you're here... Are you homeless?”

Sam shakes his head. “No, I can take care of myself. I work.” He stops. “I've been working since I was sixteen.”

Devon isn't surprised by this, after all Sam was always the caretaker when it came down to them. Still, he couldn't understand how Sam was here, but his family was somewhere else.

“Your parents... they didn't mind that you left?” Devon asks.

Sam stays quiet for a moment. “I turned eighteen in spring, not much they could do.”

“Why did you come back to Ohio?” Devon finally asks even though he already knows the answer.

Sam looks at him for a few moments before he says, “I needed to see you again, Blaine.”

It hits Devon that Sam needs Blaine as much as he needs him, so despite what happened at the park he lets Blaine take over again.

“I really missed you,” Blaine says.

“Me too,” Sam whispers. “I'm sorry, I've been thinking about why you were so upset and I should have gotten in touch with you sooner. I shouldn't have left you in the dark so long.”

“Sam you didn't know,” Blaine sighs.

The two go quiet and it takes Blaine a second to realize that Sam is crying. He's trying hard not to be heard, but he can hear him sniffling.

“Sam, come here,” Blaine calls out from his bed a moment later.

Sam stands up, wrapped in the blanket, and gets on the other side of the bed. His breaths are shaky and his face is wet. He lies next to Blaine, Blaine underneath his own covers and Sam on top of them.

Blaine can't help himself and he reaches out for Sam's face. He runs his hands through Sam's hair and Sam closes his eyes. Sam's hand comes out from underneath the blanket and takes his.

He's transported to the week Sam spent with him and Cooper as kids. It was the best week ever of his life. Even with Cooper busy with school he had Sam right there. For that week he wasn't alone. It's that thought that sends him to sleep as he holds on to Sam's hand and a smile on both of their faces.

“Devon!”

He wakes up, opens his eyes, and is met with Sam's face is inches away from his, deep in sleep. When he looks up he sees Santana standing by his door. Eyes wide and a fast beating heart he gets up quickly and walks over to her, pulling her outside into the hallway.

“I thought Sebastian left last night after dinner.”

“It's not what you think,” he says quickly in a low tone. “Nothing happened.”

“Really? Because the last time my boyfriend stayed the night in my bed nothing happened either.” Santana shakes her head. “We are going to have a serious talk with Sebastian, he can't just sneak in and stay the night.”

“Well, the thing is it's not Sebastian,” Devon confesses. “It's Sam.”

Santana's eyes go wide before she covers her face and lets out a long breath. “Devon, that doesn't make this any better.”

“Is Cooper up yet?”

“No,” Santana says glancing down the hall since their room is upstairs.

“Look, he needed someone to talk to last night,” Devon explains. “I let him in and we just talked. I promise nothing happened.”

Devon's door opens and Sam stands there with bed hair and the blanket still wrapped around him. “He's right. Nothing happened.”

Santana doesn't look fully convinced as she faces him. “You came at night to talk, but stayed in his room instead of coming out to the living room or kitchen?”

“You're right,” Devon agrees quickly. “We should have thought of that. Just please don't tell Cooper.”

Santana sighs, but raises her hands as she shakes her head. “Fine. Sam, I think it's best you leave before Cooper gets up.”

Sam nods and mutters he'll get his shoes as he heads back into Devon's room.

“Devon,” Santana says when Devon is about to follow. “You know you're not only keeping this from Cooper, but Sebastian, too.”

Devon doesn't say anything simply nods and walks into his room.

“Where do you live?” Devon asks as he looks for a sweater in his closet.

“With these guys in a studio,” Sam answers as he ties the shoelaces on his shoes.

Devon nods and waits for Sam to look at him before he asks once more, “So then why were you in my car yesterday?”

Sam shrugs. “Sometimes I don't want to be there.”

“Okay. Do you need a ride?”

Sam shakes his head. “No, I'm going to head to school early and take a shower. See you.” He begins to walk over to the window when Devon stops him.

“You can take the front door.”

Sam gives him a small smile before walking to the door. “Thanks.”

Devon watches him walk out. He lies in his bed until his alarm rings ten minutes later and he gets ready for school.

True to her word, Santana doesn't say anything to Cooper. He can tell she isn't happy with him since she doesn't save him any coffee. Instead of sitting there in an awkward silence he leaves for school.

At school, Sam and Devon barely say a word to each other during homeroom. Devon still can't believe he spent the night with him. He knew it was wrong to hope it would happen again, but couldn't help himself. It had just felt so nice holding Sam and knowing that he was safe with him.

“I'm walking Devon to his class,” Tina announces, mostly to Sebastian, when the bell rings signaling the end of homeroom.

Sebastian rolls his eyes, but nods before grinning at Devon. “Guess I'll see you later,” Sebastian murmurs giving him a quick kiss on the cheek before leaving.

“Kitty told me he's going to be helping backstage so I'm hoping that will give us some time to get to know each other, but I don't really know much about him,” Tina rambles as they exit the classroom together.

Without waiting for an answer she immediately asks him about Sam while they walk together. Sam is walking a few feet ahead of them.

“Does he like brunettes? Do you think the fact that he has big lips means he's a good kisser? Has he ever been on a date or is he a player?”

“A player? I doubt it,” Devon responds as his eyes keep looking at Sam's back.

“Then what's his type?”

“Tina,” Devon sighs before he finally looks at her. He stops as he takes in Tina's appearance. She is wearing an [embellished baby blue collar silk top, a royal blue skirt](https://40.media.tumblr.com/0caf28cbc186034d3c0de1265f6e0261/tumblr_no6agoH6x31qedcm8o1_540.jpg), and platform booties. Tina had dressed up nicely for a boy that had spent the previous night lying next to him in bed.

Devon sighs. “I really don't know, I mean he's been here for a week and before that I hadn't seen him for over nine years.”

“Can't you just give me anything so I can at least have a chance?” Tina asks desperately. “Is it so bad for me to want a boyfriend? Why won't you help me? I helped you with Sebastian.” Tina frowns, “You don't think I have a chance with him.”

Devon shakes his head. “I didn't mean it that way.”

“I just want to be noticed for once _or_ not be second to Kitty when it comes to being your friend.”

Devon pulls Tina aside. “Tina, I'm sorry if I've made you feel that way. You're not second, you're both my good friends.”

“Then why do you talk to her and tell her more?” Tina asks, her voice small. “Just because I don't say anything doesn't mean I haven't noticed.”

Devon feels bad because it is true. Since Sam showed up he's been confiding in Kitty more than usual. He has no choice but to nod. “Okay, I'll help you with Sam.”

Tina's mood turns around as she smiles brightly at him. “Thank you, he'll listen to you.”

“I don't think he's looking for a girlfriend right now, but I will try, okay?”

“That's all I'm asking you do. Thanks, Dev!” Tina beams before giving him a quick hug and running in the opposite direction to her class.

Devon stands by himself thinking too long what he's just agreed to when the second bell rings. There goes his second detention in a week.

Sebastian is waiting outside his class when it is time for lunch and suggests they go eat off campus. Devon almost says no since he is hoping to get a chance to talk to Sam, but Sam hasn't shown up at their lunch table since that one time. Besides it wouldn't be right to blow off Sebastian after they had just made up last night.

Sebastian calls in ahead to the Chinese restaurant so their food was ready when they arrive. Sebastian parks by the park across from the school and the two eat their food for the most part in silence. They have fifteen minutes before they have to head back to school and use them to make out in the backseat of Sebastian's car.

Even though Devon wants to lose himself in Sebastian's kisses and touches as he's done so before he can't stop thinking over the fact that he spent the night with Sam. It really wasn't a big deal, right?

“Are Cooper and Santana still going out tonight?” Sebastian asks and Devon nods. “I'm coming over then.”

“Yeah,” Devon says as he pulls back and begins to straighten his clothes. “I have a lot of homework to do though.”

“Funny,” Sebastian says with a grin as he composes himself, too, and gets out out from the back seat. Devon follows and gets inside the passenger seat while Sebastian in the drivers seat.

“I was funny as a kid. I always had great comebacks, but I'd never say them out loud,” Devon says thinking out loud as Sebastian turns on the car, but doesn't put on any music.

“Why not?”

“No one was listening,” Devon answers honestly looking outside his window.

Sebastian places his hand on Devon's thigh. “I would have listened to you.”

“No, you wouldn't. Can you think of the least popular kid at school? The one no one talked to or picked on everyday?” Devon faces Sebastian for a second before he looks away again. “That was me.”

“Nu-uh, that was not you. Not my Devon.”

Devon doesn't say anything because of course Sebastian doesn't want to know that he's been dating a loser. That his boyfriend was the lonely fat kid at school that no one paid attention to. But suddenly it's that what drives him to say more. Maybe the guilt of him and Sam is finally settling in or the fact that he doesn't want to help Tina with Sam. Maybe he just wants Sebastian to realize that Devon is not who he thinks he is. Maybe it'll make them stronger or break them apart, but he has to know.

“I was, Sebastian, I was that kid. So, no, you wouldn't have listened to me, you wouldn't even have looked at me.”

Sebastian removes his hand and looks out the window, too. “The past is the past and you shouldn't make too much of it, Dev. Forget about it, as if it had never happened.” _But it had_ , Devon thought, _and I can't_. “You're here now,” Sebastian finally says facing him again.

“Am I?” Devon asks.

Sebastian laughs as he turns on the car. “Of course, you are. You're exactly where you're supposed to be.”

For the first time Devon doesn't want to be here. He stays quiet as Sebastian pulls into the school parking. Even when Sebastian says, “You're over thinking things, just don't.”

After the first script reading, which Devon nearly misses before remembering and running back into the auditorium, he sat in his car alone. Sebastian didn't talk to him throughout the whole thing and Mrs. Pillsbury-Schuester had to get him a script so he could follow along. He sat on one side of the stage while the rest of the cast along with Sebastian sat on the other side and laughed the whole time, not bothering to include him. Sebastian proved Devon's point of how easy it was to ignore and not pay attention to him. He couldn't understand how they'd taken a step forward and were now taking two steps back in their relationship.

Devon dials Sam's number again, but just like before it goes to voicemail. He wants to hear Sam's voice. He waits in the parking lot longer than he has to, but Sam never shows up. If he had and asked to go to Lima, Devon wouldn't have hesitated to say yes. Anything to feel close once again to Sam just like he had last night.

Devon walks into the kitchen when he gets home and finds a half eaten pie in the fridge. Santana and Cooper must have had some during breakfast except he had left early. He takes out the pie and looks at it. He hasn't binged since last Sunday, but he can't stop thinking about how delicious the pie must be.

Cooper's favorite coffee cup is still on the counter with a little bit of milk in it. It makes him miss Cooper more than ever. It makes him want to talk things out with him. He wanted to tell Cooper everything. How unbearable school had been for him as a kid. How it was Sam that saved him and how much Sam meant to him. And the reason why it hurt so much that Cooper hadn't been honest to him about Sam. But instead, Devon finds himself once again in an empty house. He could text Cooper to come home... that he'd been missing him since he was eight years old. But he doesn't though. He does what he does best. He finishes the pie and cleans the kitchen before heading to the living room where he falls asleep on the couch while watching TV.

Devon wakes up to hushed voices and keys jingling. Cooper and Santana are standing in the hallway, dressed up and ready to leave.

“Oh,” Cooper says when he sees that he's awake. “We were just leaving. You were deep asleep so we didn't bother you.”

“Are you feeling okay? Do you need us to stay?” Santana asks concerned.

Devon quickly shakes his head. He glances at the clock and notices it's a quarter to seven. “I'm fine,” he promises, hoping they'll leave soon and not bump into Sebastian since he didn't ask for permission to have him over.

“Call if you need anything,” Cooper says as they leave.

Devon immediately heads to his room to change and freshen up since Sebastian will be here any moment. He checks his cell phone in case Sam called him back, but nothing. His disappointment is cut short as the doorbell rings.

He runs to the front door and finds Sebastian standing there.

“Hey,” Devon greets him with a quick kiss on the mouth and a smile.

“Tell me you finished your homework already,” Sebastian says reaching for Devon and pulling him in close. He leans down to kiss Devon's neck and hold him by the waist.

Devon shakes his head and manages to pull away quickly walking to the dining room. “No, I haven't even started.”

Sebastian sighs from the dining room entrance. “Well, I already did mine.”

“Well I told you I had lots of homework,” Devon says annoyed as he flips open his books.

“Oh, I thought you were joking.”

Devon rolls his eyes as he takes a seat and tries to not pay much attention to Sebastian in the kitchen.

“Let's order a pizza,” Sebastian says a moment later when he enters the dining room again looking bored.

“No.”

“I'll pay for it.”

“No!”

“But I'm hungry.”

“Sebastian just stop!” Devon says loudly closing his book. “I told you I have homework and you're dismissing it as a joke. During the table reading you couldn't be bothered to include me in the conversation or get me a damn script. Why did you even volunteer me to be stage manager if you were going to ignore me?”

Sebastian shakes his head. “I didn't ignore you, you went and sat by yourself on the other side of the stage. I thought maybe you wanted some time alone.”

“Clearly you were wrong,” Devon says rolling his eyes and closing his books.

“Well how about you talk to me instead of expecting me to just read your mind,” Sebastian snaps walking over to the living room where he'd left his coat. “I'm really getting tired of your crazy mood swings, Dev. I think it'll be best if I just go.”

Devon is too stunned to say anything and instead follows him to the front door where Sebastian stops to look at him, maybe hoping to tell him to stop. But Devon doesn't trust himself to speak again. He can feel tears already threatening to fall so he just stares straight ahead, crosses his arms, and watches Sebastian walk out the front door.

He waits until he sees Sebastian's headlights pass by and then heads to his room. He turns on the light and is surprised to find Sam waiting by his desk. He can't help but gasp and jump back.

“It's okay,” Sam says.

“It's not okay,” Devon shakes his head trying hard to hide the fact that he's trembling from arguing with Sebastian and now finding Sam in his room.

“I swear I was going to ring the front door, but then I saw Sebastian pull up your driveway and ducked to the side of your house.”

“And climbed into my room?”

Sam looks down. “The step ladder was still there and your window wasn't fully closed.”

Devon looks away when he realizes that Sam probably heard his fight with Sebastian. After all, his room was only a couple feet away from the kitchen. It's also not like he and Sebastian had been quiet.

Sam sits at his bed before speaking again. “Don't be mad, please.”

“I'm not.”

“I can tell you are.”

Devon sighs as he sits next to Sam. “I am, but also happy that you're here.”

“I need a favor,” Sam finally says.

“What?”

“I need to borrow your car.”

“Um,” Devon looks away, “No one else is allowed to drive it. It's a house rule and an insurance thing.”

“But it's an emergency.”

“Emergency?”

“I need to get my stuff from my place.” Devon looks at him confused. “I haven't paid my weekly rent this last month. My roommates, they aren't happy with me.”

“I can take you.”

Sam shakes his head. “No, I don't want to drag you into my mess. I don't need to mess up your life anymore than I already have.”

“Sam, you haven't. What do I need to do to convince you of that?” Sam shrugs, but stays quiet. “Wait, a month? How long have you been here?”

“I got here early August,” Sam says looking at his hands.

Devon looks away and closes his eyes. Sam had been in Westerville for two months before reaching out to him. He didn't know what to make of that at the moment so he's thankful when Sam speaks again.

“I had money saved up from my job in Kentucky and thought I'd be able to find another once I got here, but it wasn't easy. I've been supporting myself these last couple of weeks doing a couple of jobs here and there, but I've finally run out.” Sam stood up. “Anyways, my stuff that I brought from Kentucky is there.”

“I'll take you, but then what? Where are you going to stay?” Devon asks concerned.

“Your car maybe? And I could take showers in here before Cooper and Santana wake up,” Sam says hopeful.

Devon shakes his head. “We'll get your stuff and then talk to Cooper and Santana about all of this.”

Sam nods and they leave. Sam makes Devon wait in the car while he gets his stuff in case his roommates are there. Ten minutes later Sam returns with small suitcase and a guitar case.

“Come on, let's go,” Sam says the moment he throws his stuff in the backseat.

“You play the guitar?” Devon asks surprised.

Sam nods. “I was worried they'd taken it and sold it. I guess it's a good thing I took my tools the other day and left them in my locker.”

“Tools?” Devon asks pulling into the main street that leads him to his house.

“I'm a handyman,” Sam shrugs looking away. “I know it's not like being a nurse or lawyer, but people always need things fixed and sometimes I do day labor for subcontractors. It's how I've been making money since I got here and couldn't get a job, but then I decided to enroll in school.”

“It's never too late to choose a career if you wanted to go to college. You can, you're doing well at Dalton. You're smart and talented, Sam, I think you can do whatever you want.”

Sam smiles at him and looks down. “What do you have planned?”

Devon stays quiet for a moment since he hadn't given it much thought. It was a topic he'd been avoiding since last year. Thinking about it then had meant he'd have to decide whether Sebastian would still be part of his life then. While deep down he didn't want to say goodbye to Sebastian he knew that college would be a whole different story than high school for them. With the way things seemed to be going for the both it was probably a good thing he hadn't pictured Sebastian in his future. After all, Sebastian was set on making it into the entertainment industry meanwhile Devon couldn't decide.

Devon pulls up in front of his house and turns off the car. He shrugs and sighs. “Honestly, I don't know. There's schools where you can apply without a major, so I'll probably do that and then see what I like.”

“That's okay. If it's any consolation I don't know what I want either.” Sam looks over at him and takes Devon's hand from the shift stick. “I just want to be with you... like this.”

Devon's heart beat fast inside of him as he blushes. “Pretty sure you can't make a career out of that.”

“Probably not,” Sam chuckles as he let go and opens the passenger door.

Sam brought in his stuff and put them in the living room. Sam fell asleep watching TV while Devon worked on his homework in the dining room.

Devon heard Cooper's car pull into the driveway and waited until he heard them on the porch before he opened the front door. Their faces showed they'd both had their fair share of wine drinking. Without waiting for them Devon immediately spoke.

“Sam is here. He's sleeping in the couch because he has nowhere else to stay.”

“Wait, what?” Cooper asks as he steps inside holding Santana's hand.

“He hasn't paid his rent this last month since he's been going to school instead of working.”

“Where are his parents?” Santana asks.

“They're in Kentucky.”

“Kentucky?” Cooper says confused before taking a deep breath. “Okay, obviously, he can stay tonight and tomorrow we'll sort all of this. It's late now.”

Santana frowns as she glances at Devon. “I don't know. We don't know him that well, Coop.”

Cooper shakes his head. “It's fine, really. Sam is like family.”

“We've only decided he'll stay for one night right now,” Devon says looking at Santana. He knows she's probably thinking about the fact that she found them in bed together.

“Fine,” Santana nods and Cooper smiles. “Dinner is mandatory tomorrow.”

Cooper leaves in search of extra pillows and blankets for Sam. Devon realizes this means he'll have to come clean with Cooper about everything.

Santana glances at Sam before facing Devon. “I'll be checking on you throughout the night.”

“I figured you would,” Devon says with a small smile.

“At random hours,” Santana emphasizes pointing her finger at him before heading upstairs.

Devon puts his schoolwork away as Cooper returns to wake up Sam and lead him to the guest bedroom which is two doors down from Devon's. Cooper checks up on him, but Devon leaves for his room with a yawn and Cooper doesn't stop him. Tomorrow they'll talk. Devon wonders if he can steer the conversation to focus only on Sam, but he doesn't know if Santana will relent to letting him stay til the school year is over. He goes to sleep imagining what it will be like to spend the next couple of months living with Sam.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I feel like it was an abrupt ending, but I didn't want this chapter to go on forever. The next update may take a while because although I had some parts written out, this story has gone in a different direction.  
> Weekly rents may not be a common thing, but I thought it would make more sense. Sam arriving in Westerville and making friends with two guys at their studio and having them agree to let him live there if he paid on a weekly basis instead of monthly.  
> Lastly, I think there are maybe two to three chapters left in this story.  
> And finally, thank you to everyone who is still reading and leaves comments on the story! They really do motivate me to write and finish each chapter. Plus I love knowing what you all think.


	6. Reckless Love

Devon has just finished getting dressed when his cell phone rings. He's surprised to find it's Sebastian calling him.

“Just hear me out,” Sebastian says after Devon says 'hello'. “I'm sorry, I really am. Let me give you a ride to school so we can talk things through, please.”

Devon closes his eyes, a part of him wants to make things right with Sebastian. But another knows he can't, specially with Sam being in his house right now. If Sebastian saw Sam at his place it would just worsen things.

“I need my car,” Devon says after a moment. “Kitty and I are going to the gym again after rehearsal.”

“She can give you a ride back home.”

“No,” Devon says too quickly.

Sebastian sighs loudly. “Well, when can we talk?”

“Soon,” Devon promises before telling him he has to finish getting ready.

He's not sure what to do at the moment about Sebastian. It's not easy to let go of someone who has been there for you the past two years. However, it's also hard to deny the fact that their relationship has been rocky the last couple of days. At the same time putting things off wasn't doing them any good either.

When he steps out of his room and heads into the kitchen he finds Sam having breakfast. Cooper leaves with a reminder that they both better be on time for dinner and Santana doesn't leave her room.

“Listen,” Devon begins as he takes a deep breath while he drives them both to school. “We have to be careful no one sees arrive to school together.”

“Why?”

“It might give people the wrong idea,” Devon says slowly as he nears Dalton.

“Oh,” Sam says and looks out the window. “Couldn't we just tell the truth?”

Devon shakes his head and pulls up into the faculty parking lot before glancing around to make sure no one sees Sam get out of his car. “Go, I'll see you later.”

“Bye.”

Devon waits a minute before pulling out and heading to the student parking lot. He takes his time making his way inside that he only has a couple minutes to grab some stuff from his locker before he has to go to Homeroom.

Devon spends the rest of the day in daze, hardly paying attention to anyone or anything. He and Sebastian barely speak to one another during lunch even though they sit next to each other. The rest of the group seems to notice, but no one asks anything. Tina, however, bothers Devon with questions about Sam and why he hasn't had lunch with them again. Devon gives her his best 'I don't know' face and shrugs before going back to his lunch.

He doesn't see Sam again until rehearsal. Devon arrives with Nick, and seconds later Sam gets there. Sebastian greets Sam with a smile that actually looks genuine.

“Sam, you're here!” Tina feigns surprise as she walks over to him.

“Hey,” Sam says as he looks at everyone.

“It feels like I've barely seen you! You come into class at the last minute and leave before the bell has finished ringing,” Tina points out. “Where are you always off to in a hurry?”

Devon thinks she's trying to be friendly, but her questions come off as nosy.

Sam shrugs. “Nowhere.”

“Hmm, how about during lunch?”

“Library.”

Tina laughs as if he just told a joke. “Wait, really? Well, surely we're better company than old books. You should definitely come have lunch with us. Right, Devon?”

Devon doesn't have the chance to answer as Artie and Mrs. Pillsbury-Schuester enter with Hunter following behind. Devon looks over at Sebastian, who walks over and starts making conversation with Hunter.

“Devon,” Mrs. Pillsbury-Schuester says as she walks over to him. “Sebastian spoke with us about how being stage manager could be a bit overwhelming, so Artie agreed to look for an assistant director. Fortunately, Sebastian was able to convince Hunter to help.”

Devon gives her a tight smile as he looks over to where Sebastian is sharing his script with Hunter. Sam walks over to Devon and begins to speak with Mrs. Pillsbury-Schuester as she begins to explain the kind of sets Artie has in mind for the play.

Devon, Sam, Nick, and four other students follow her downstairs towards the prop room a couple of minutes later. As Devon looks at the previous set pieces from last year's play he is reminded how much time and work the play requires. Sebastian had landed a supporting role in the play last year and Devon had agreed to help Nick and Jeff backstage. Mrs. Pillsbury-Schuester leaves them after giving Devon a sketch of the sets Artie had designed.

“Where's Jeff?” Devon asks Nick after a moment.

“Running late, I guess. He'll find us,” Nick says as he starts copying what Sam is currently doing, which is sorting through a pile of wood and finding the best pieces.

Devon joins Sam once he's done sorting the pieces and begins to pile them up.

“Do you really have lunch in the library.” Sam nods. “You can join us, you know.”

“Yeah,” Sam says as he stands up. “I'm gonna go get my tools.”

“Okay,” Devon says.

Jeff arrives as Sam leaves and Devon asks him to join him in searching for props from the list he'd made. When Sam comes back he shows everyone how to frame a set right and everyone goes to work until Kitty and Tina come into the room to let them know rehearsals are over. Everyone immediately stops working and leaves, except for Devon and Sam.

“You're kind of dirty,” Tina comments while stepping over Devon to get to Sam.

“A result of hard work.”

Tina scoffs as she throws her hair back, “Acting is also hard work.”

Devon shakes his head as he faces Kitty and she gives him a sympathetic smile. “We should head over to the gym,” Devon suggests since after all that had been his excuse to not get a ride from Sebastian.

“Sure,” Kitty says distracted as she looks over at Sam.

Sam is wearing his white undershirt as he pulls out nails to reuse for later. There is no denying how much of in a good shape Sam is as his muscles flex when he holds the hammer tightly. Devon looks away and is about to leave when Tina speaks.

“Do you need a ride home, Sam?”

Sam stops working to glance at him, but they make brief eye contact before Devon looks away.

“Sure, thanks,” Sam says as he stands up and to grab his shirt from a coat hanger nearby. “See you tomorrow, Devon,” Sam says and walks out of the prop room with Tina following behind and a barely there goodbye wave.

Devon spends all of his time during Yoga class imagining what Sam and Tina are up to. If Tina was asking Sam questions she shouldn't. And the answers Sam would give her which would make Tina come to him later to know how she could get Sam to like her.

“What's up with you and Sebastian?” Kitty asks after she comes out of the locker room dressed in her regular clothes. “I could cut and serve up the tension between the two of you during lunch. I also didn't miss the fact that you two didn't speak during rehearsals.” Devon stays quiet as he thinks about how much to tell her. “Is this because of Hunter?”

Devon looks up at her in surprise before shaking his head. He almost wishes it was then it wouldn't be so hard. “We had a fight.”

“But you two barely disagree on anything.”

“Yeah, I know, but he said he was tired of my crazy mood swings.”

Kitty frowns. “You're the most collected person I know.”

Devon gives her a small smile as he starts walking toward the exit. Kitty stops and looks at him before making a face.

“Are you really going to drive home in those sweaty and gross clothes?”

Devon looks down at his baggy gym shorts and Cooper's old t-shirt before nodding. “I can't be late for dinner.”

As they walk to their cars, Devon realizes Kitty's comment about his clothes hadn't bothered him at all. Before, a comment like that would have hurt, but now it didn't even register. Without realizing it he'd changed during the last couple of years.

The sun is gone by now, replaced by dark clouds. “I bet it'll snow tonight,” Devon comments as they stop walking.

“Devon,” Kitty says his name in a serious tone. “Are you and Sebastian going to break up?”

“I don't know, we haven't had a chance to talk.”

“Look, I know Sebastian is a pain sometimes, and the fact that you two have lasted this long is surreal. But if you don't want to be with him anymore because you want to be with Sam, then just do it. Go be with Sam and just don't make this more complicated than it has to be.”

“I do want to be with Sebastian,” Devon says looking away from her firm gaze. “I can't just break up with him. And, it's not easy with Sam, I can't just go be with him. What would people say?”

“Who cares what anyone else thinks? Look, you and Sebastian surprisingly go together very well. When I look at the two of you I think ' _they make such a nice couple_ '. But when you're with Sam, it's like no one else exists. You've been with Sebastian almost two years and I've never seen you look at him the way you look at Sam. You've never behaved that way with us and we've known you for almost four years. I think you care more about Sam than you ever have for any of us,” Kitty shrugs as she reaches out to touch Devon's shoulder. “It's a bit out of the ordinary since you haven't seen Sam for nine years and now he's been back for a week. It's almost as if the two of you seem to exist in your own little world. What is it with you two?” Devon shrugs as he picks up Kitty's bag and places it on the backseat of her car. “You know I'm right, Devon. If some childhood crush showed up I wouldn't be able to recognize them that easily. People aren't just loyal to a childhood friend, unless you loved them.”

“Or were your only friend,” Devon says lowly.

“Exactly,” Kitty points out as she opens her car door. “Look, what I'm getting at is why deny yourself from what you really want? I never do.”

Devon grins. “That's what I like about you.”

“Me, too,” Kitty smiles. “You know what else I like? Seeing my friends happy. I want to see you happy. Whether it be with Sebastian or Sam or someone else entirely. Don't stay with Sebastian if you're not happy anymore.” Kitty took off her earmuffs and put them on him since his sweatshirt didn't have a hoodie. “Despite what you think I do know you, Devon. And I have the feeling that you'd go down the aisle with the wrong person if it meant making everyone else happy.”

Devon watches her drive away before he gets into his own car as it begins to rain harder. He is stunned by everything Kitty said to him. Surprisingly, not about how he should break up with Sebastian, but that she knew him. She really did. Probably everyone in his close group of friends did, too.

Maybe Sebastian had been right when he'd told him, ' _You're here now_ '. At the time he thought he meant that he was in the present now. But maybe in reality what Sebastian was telling him that the person present now was his true self. Maybe it was time he stopped hiding behind Devon and accepted that Blaine had changed. Blaine wasn't a lonely kid anymore, he didn't need to continue being someone else.

“Why would you leave Sam to walk home in the rain?” Cooper demands the moment Devon walks through the front door. “And with a cold!”

Devon frowns. “I didn't know he was sick.”

“Why couldn't you give him a ride home?” Cooper asks shaking his head giving him a look that says ' _I raised you better than this_ '.

“Kitty and I went to the gym.”

“It's okay,” Sam says as he walks into the room wearing sweatpants and one of Cooper's sweatshirts. He was drying his hair in a towel. “I didn't have to walk that far.”

“It's not okay. As long as you stay in this house you are part of our family and we don't leave family to walk in the rain alone,” Cooper says in a scolding tone looking at Devon.

_Not in the rain_ , Devon thought angrily, _except at home alone every day for years_. “You're making it sound like this isn't complicated, except that it kind of is.”

“I really don't think it is,” Cooper says as he hears Santana pull up in the driveway and honk the car horn. “We're gonna get some stuff for dinner tonight and you two figure something out so this doesn't happen again. Once we get back and dinner is over we'll talk.”

“I forgot how protective he is,” Sam says when Cooper and Santana are gone.

“Do you mean of you?” Devon asks heading to his room.

Sam shakes his head, but doesn't say anything else as he follows him.

“Where did Tina drop you off?” Devon asks changing the subject.

“Hardware store by the highway. She insisted on waiting,” Sam says shaking his head.

“How'd you get her not to?”

“Just told her no.”

Devon smiles as he shakes his head. He can only imagine how that went. Tina hated being told no.

“Wait, one second,” Sam says as he runs to the guest room and comes back later with his guitar.

“What are you-?” Devon asks amused as Sam takes a seat on his bed.

Devon sits down and Sam starts to play the opening notes to “They Long to Be Close to You”. He remembers it as a song from one of the movies they watched together when Sam had stayed over with them as a kid. His heart swells up with happiness as he fights off tears. A couple notes later he feels his cheeks get hot as he remembers the two of them falling asleep together and holding hands. As he looks at Sam all he can think is that this was the first boy to love him... and the first boy he had loved.

_Just like me, they long to be close to you..._

He wants to reach out for Sam, but he doesn't know if that's the best idea at the moment since they are alone in his room with no one else in the house.

“Sam, please stop,” he says looking away.

Sam finishes the last note and takes off his guitar. “Blaine.”

“Don't call me that.”

“Blaine.”

“Don't. No one calls me that anymore.”

“Why not? It's your name!” Sam says frustrated as he places both of his hands on Devon's arm. He turns Devon to him so they're facing each other. “Blaine.”

If he thought he wanted Sebastian to call him by his first name it's nothing compared to how much he wants Sam to continue saying his name. But he's not Blaine anymore and he's not Blaine at the moment.

Sam leans in slowly and Devon looks down as he shrugs off Sam's hands. No matter what he's feeling for Sam at the moment he can't do this to Sebastian. It also feels wrong when he's so determined to stay as Devon and Sam wants Blaine.

“I have to change,” Devon says after a while as he points to his clothes.

Sam takes a deep breath, looks away, and nods.

Devon gets up and walks out of his room and into the bathroom next to his room. He takes a quick shower hoping it'll help clear his thoughts a bit. He changes into a pair of brown jeans and white polo shirt before walking out of the bathroom. He hears the television on in the living room.

Sam gives him a small smile when he sees him. “Decided to wait out here instead of in your room. I don't think Santana will forgive me again for being in there without permission.”

“So you got off on the wrong foot with Santana, but she wouldn't kick you out in the cold. I think they'll be okay with you staying here until the school year is over,” Devon says as he sits next to Sam on the sofa.

“Well, if they say no, I'll be okay. I always manage.”

“I know that, but you can always ask for help if you need it.”

“You don't,” Sam shrugs.

Devon holds his breath. “It's hard. Specially when everyone expects so much from you.”

Sam nods slowly. “I know you must still have lots of questions for me, but I have some for you.” Devon pretends to focus on the commercial currently playing on TV. “When did you start going by Devon?”

“Why?”

“I want to understand. And Cooper told me to ask you when I asked him.”

“Cooper is fine with me being Devon. He loves telling anyone who will listen how great of a job he's done raising me into the person I am today even if I was the one who took care of myself for majority of the time.”

“Exactly. It's always been you, Blaine, don't you see?”

“It wasn't easy without you,” Devon finally confesses in a small voice.

Sam gives him a sad smile. “Did you ever tell Cooper about my letter?” Devon shakes his head. “Maybe you should have. Maybe then he would have been honest with you after I left.”

“Maybe.”

“Tell him tonight. And tell him how alone you really were those years. You've got to stop bottling all of your feelings. Promise me you'll tell him.”

Devon lets out a slow breath before he nods. “I promise.”

Sam smiles before reaching for his hand. Devon returns his smile and looks away as his he feels his cheek turn pink. They stay holding hands until they hear Santana's car pull up on the driveway.

Sam helps Cooper bring in the groceries, while Santana requests Devon's help in the dining room to set up the table. After he's brought in the fifth dish to the table, Devon gives Santana a confused look.

“Cooper, don't you think this is a little too much?” Devon asks as he enters the kitchen and finds Cooper heating up gravy sauce on the stove.

Cooper shakes his head. “Well, I don't know what he might like or if he's allergic to anything. Besides, it's a special night. Think of it as sort of a reunion for the two of you.”

“Well, where is he now?” Santana asks as she tastes the mashed potatoes.

Devon looks toward the living room and notices Sam isn't there.

“Uh, he said had to make a quick errand to the post office,” Cooper answers as he takes out a clean pot from one of the cabinets.

By the time Cooper deems everything perfect for dinner Sam still hasn't returned from the post office.

“Let me just go check if he's down the street,” Cooper says as he pulls on his coat.

Santana is looking at Devon carefully, but doesn't say anything as Cooper returns alone. Cooper gives an exasperated sigh when Santana starts to butter a piece of bread.

“What? I'm hungry!” she says as she takes a bite and sits down. “You made a wonderful dinner and it would be a shame if we let it go cold. Come, let's eat. We can save a plate for Sam.”

Devon nods and sits down as well. “I'm starving.”

They eat dinner and this time it's Santana who fills in the silence. Cooper seems distracted as he often glances at his watch and then the front door. When they finish and Sam is still a no show, Cooper gets up and grabs his car keys.

“Call him,” Cooper tells Devon as he pulls on his coat.

Devon calls Sam's number and before he even presses the 'call' button he knows Sam's not going to pick up.

“Okay, I'm going to go look for him,” Cooper announces as he moves towards the front door.

“Cooper!” Santana says standing up. “He's eighteen, honey, I'm sure he can take care of himself. Maybe he doesn't want to stay with us and doesn't have the heart to tell us.” Cooper's face falls. “Devon?” Santana prompts as she leads Cooper back into the dining room. “You haven't said anything.”

Devon shrugs. “Sam kind of does this a lot. Specially at school, just disappears and doesn't communicate.”

“I wouldn't be surprised,” Cooper finally speaks again. “He mentioned he has five younger siblings. It must be easy for him to just do that without anyone caring.”

“I'm reliable,” Devon comments as he pushes around the peas in his plate.

“Of course you are,” Cooper says reaching for the bottle of wine. “You had the chance to develop certain traits he probably didn't.”

“Really? By being alone all the time and waiting for you to get home for work or school?”

Cooper stares at him in shock. “Devon, what's gotten into you?”

“Why did you lie about Sam?” Devon asks instead.

Cooper stays quiet before he glances at Santana and she nods at him. “I was scared,” Cooper finally says in quiet voice. “One day I'm called at work from your school and told that you won't stop crying. And all you do for the rest of the day is cry until you finally ask me if it's true about Sam. I knew Sam and his family had moved, but I hadn't been able get in contact with them since.”

Devon's heart beats fast inside of him. Cooper had tried to get in touch with Sam's family?

“When you asked me about Sam, I panicked. I was so scared to ask for help at the time from anyone. Our social worker never failed to mention that she was taking a huge chance in letting me have custody over you. Grandma and grandpa kept wanting us to move to Virginia to be closer, and Aunt Katy was too busy going through her divorce at the time. I thought that if I showed any kind of weakness they'd think I couldn't take care of you and want to take you away. That's why I didn't try to convince you otherwise when you asked about him.”

“And you never thought to tell me this at one point?” Devon asks breathless.

“I didn't know how, specially back then,” Cooper sighs, “when you started going by Devon. I worried that this change was because of Sam, but eventually things worked out. I mean, now you've got a real family, me and Santana, and friends, even a boyfriend.”

“Don't you see? I had to become someone else to have those things and you were too busy trying to make our lives perfect to even notice!” Devon takes a deep breath to steady his voice before he continues. “The last time I was me, as in Blaine me, was when I was with Sam on my birthday. Sam loved me, he told me so in a letter, and I never got the chance to say it back. And then I thought he was gone forever. That's why I became Devon, I needed to start new, but it's taken Sam to come back for me to realize how exhausted I am. I'm tired of having to be him to please you and everyone else.”

Tears begin to fall and he covers his face. The next second Cooper is pushing his chair back and rushing over to him.

“Oh, Blaine,” Cooper sniffs as he pulls him in for a hug. Cooper calling him by his first name only makes him cry more as he embraces his brother. A moment later he can feel Santana rubbing his back. “Why didn't you ever tell me?”

“I don't know.”

“I'm an idiot,” Cooper cries pulling back. “I can't believe I let you go all these years without ever asking if you were doing okay.”

“You're so strong,” Santana says as she wipes away his tears.

Cooper wipes his tears before glancing at his watch. “You can come with me to look for Sam.”

“Cooper!” Santana exclaims mortified. “Think about what your little brother has just opened up to you about. He needs you more now than ever. Sam isn't your responsibility, anyways, but Devon is. Besides, you're always saying you want to do right by Devon, then this is your chance.” Santana takes Cooper's hand in hers. “Honey, no matter how much you may want you can't change the past.”

Cooper nods before glancing at Devon. “What did I tell you? I'm an idiot.” He sighs as he pulls up a chair next to him. “I feel like the worst big brother ever. I just don't want to make the same mistake of letting Sam slip out of your life again.”

“You're not,” Devon says in a small voice looking up.

Santana takes a deep breath as she rubs his back again. “So what do you want to do about Sam?”

Both Cooper and Santana are looking at him.

“I don't know,” Devon finally says his voice breaking at the end and the tears start to fall again.

Cooper holds him and promises they'll figure something out. Santana walks him to his room later as Cooper puts away the leftovers.

“There are many things I love about your brother,” she says taking a seat at his desk. “One of them is how much he loves you. On our first date he let me know that you would be his number one priority. I remember thinking how lucky you were to have him and I could not wait to meet you. When I did, I realized why he loved you so much. You're an amazing person, Devon. Whatever you decide on, know that you'll always have us there to support you.”

“Thanks,” Devon says before hugging her when she stands up to leave.

“And by the way, you don't have to change anything about yourself to please me.”

The next morning Cooper makes him breakfast and even lunch to take with him, and waits until Devon leaves for school.

At school he enters Homeroom and sees Sam sitting in the front row doodling on a notebook. While usually he walks by him without a word, so as to not make Sebastian jealous or worry Tina, this time he goes over and sits next to him. He knows Sebastian is watching him the whole time.

“I talked with Cooper,” he whispers.

“I'm glad to hear that,” Sam smiles as he put down his pen. “I left so I wouldn't be in the way.”

“You could have told us.”

“Guess I'm not used to having people know where I go to all the time.”

Devon gives him a small smile as he sees Tina waving him over. He gets up and leaves to join Tina without a word.

“Obviously you've heard about my awesome Halloween party by now. It's going to be on the actual day. And I will be wearing a very sexy costume so you have to make sure Sam shows up, okay?” Tina emphasizes with pleading eyes.

“I don't know if I'm going yet,” Devon says.

“What?” Tina says loudly causing people to look over at them. “But Sebastian said you were going to wear matching costumes, I heard him telling Nick and Jeff!”

“He hasn't said anything to me.”

Tina looks as if she's about to say something, but then Jeff joins them and asks Tina for help in Math.

After fourth period he tells Kitty and Tina to go ahead without him to lunch. Instead of joining them he goes to the library in search of Sam. He doesn't find him, so he sits in a quiet corner and takes out his lunch. He's caught by surprise when he finds a note folded inside his brown paper bag. He wonders when Sam was able to slip it in, but it turns out to be from Cooper.

_**Blaine Devon Anderson, I hope you're having a wonderful day. Love, Cooper** _

That's why Cooper had made him lunch today. He'd never gotten a note in his lunch as a kid, but he appreciates the gesture and eats his lunch alone with a smile on his face.

Sebastian is standing outside the auditorium when he arrives. He looks annoyed and tired.

“Why didn't you have lunch with us?” Sebastian asks.

“I went to the library.”

“You didn't return my calls last night.”

Kitty walks by them quickly barely glancing at the two before closing the door behind her.

“We were having a family crisis,” Devon says glancing around to make sure no one else is coming.

“Your family had a crisis?”

“Yes.”

“Is that why you were avoiding me today?

“I didn't avoid you. I was in class with you many times and you didn't speak to me as far as I remember.”

“Well, I've tried,” Sebastian sighs. “I wanted to talk yesterday, but you blew me off.”

“I didn't blow you off, I told you yesterday wasn't good for me.”

“Or maybe you just don't have the time for me, as you do for others.”

Devon doesn't make eye contact with him since he is almost correct. “Well you can't be that mad if you're volunteering me to go to Tina's party without asking me first. Again.”

Sebastian opens his mouth, but just then Hunters comes out of the auditorium. “Sebastian! Artie says if you don't come in this instant he's axing the balcony scene.”

“Damn it,” Sebastian says and follows Hunter inside without a glance back at Devon.

Devon shakes his head before heading downstairs to the prop room. Sam was by himself in one side of the room and everyone else in another as they began painting one of the finished flats. Sam glances at him when he enters, but soon goes back to work.

Devon walks over to him and asks, “Where did you sleep last night?”

“In here,” Sam says pointing to where the furniture props are kept. “The gate by the cafeteria is easy to climb and the window in here is usually kept open.”

“I guess that's better than the guest room at my house,” Devon mutters.

“Help me with this,” Sam says instead taking a step back. Devon bends down to hold the crosspiece Sam had been working on while he checks it's a perfect ninety degree angle.

“I don't want to be your problem... ever,” Sam adds quietly. “Yours or your family's.”

Devon doesn't know what to say. He can't exactly deny that Sam hasn't been a problem. After all, if Sam had never shown up he and Sebastian wouldn't be arguing this much. However, Sam's presence has also brought a lot of solutions to his life.

“I want to help you,” Devon says finally.

“I'm not your problem, you don't need to save me,” Sam says still quietly as he nods at the crosspiece and starts to work on another.

They work in silence until Jeff arrives, late again, with Hunter carrying a basket of props Nick had taken upstairs earlier.

“Who picked these?” Hunter asks placing down the basket.

“I did,” Devon answers walking over.

“Oh. Well, these won't do so Artie wants replacements,” Hunter shrugs and hands him a sheet with notes on each prop before walking out.

“What does he mean these won't do?” Devon asks annoyed as he glances at the sheet.

Jeff bites his lip. “Artie said they clash with the color scheme he chose.”

Nick walks over to them and sees Devon rolling his eyes. “It's a miracle they're getting through rehearsals with the amount of things Artie doesn't approve of.”

Devon doesn't say anything as he walks back inside the prop room. Nick and Jeff follow him carrying the props and start putting them away where they belong in the shelves. As he glances at the sheet again he wonders why he's doing this when he should really be at home trying to catch up with his homework. With everything that's been going on he's fallen behind a couple assignments. Well, he supposes he knows why he is doing it. He's doing this for Sebastian because that's what a good boyfriend would do. Or at least that's what he thinks, after all he only did what he thought was “normal” from watching others and doing the same as them.

As he makes his way toward Nick and Jeff he spots a mirror on the shelf across from him. He goes to it and picks it up. He stares at his reflection and looks at himself. For the first time in a long time he's okay with the person staring back at him.

“Hey, Nick” he says looking up.

“Yeah?”

“How would you feel about being stage manager?” he asks.

Nick shakes his head. “That's a big responsibility.”

“I'm sure the two of you will be able to handle it,” Devon says with a smile as he gives Jeff the sheet Artie had made.

Before the two can protest Devon leaves the prop room. He visits all of his teachers with student hours and asks for extensions on his assignments.

He gets home and is surprised to find Santana's car already on the driveway. He goes inside and doesn't find her downstairs so he goes upstairs to look for her in her office.

“In here,” she calls out from across the hall.

Devon enters her and Cooper's bedroom and finds her lying down on her bed with a cup in her hands.

“Tea?” Devon makes a face when she sees what she's drinking.

Santana nods as she pats the spot next to her. “They're repainting some of the offices on my floor and the fumes kept making me nauseous.”

“Oh,” Devon says as he takes off his shoes before sitting next to her. “I hope you feel better.”

“Thanks.”

They stay quiet for a while paying attention to the talk show Santana is watching.

“San, do you ever feel helpless?”

“Yes, until I remind myself I have you and your brother.”

“He said he doesn't need saving.”

Santana looks at him. “And you want to.”

“Yeah, but I can't, right?”

“Probably not.”

Devon stays with Santana until Cooper gets home. He goes through the symptoms she has and stays quiet before deciding they'll go to the doctor if it persists for more than three days. The three have a quiet dinner and Devon excuses himself to his room when he's done.

It's almost nine when he decides to call Sebastian. Devon can immediately tell Sebastian isn't alone or home when he picks up.

“Are you driving? I can call you back,” Devon says.

“No, Hunter is driving.”

“Hunter? You're out with Hunter?”

“No,” Sebastian says chuckling at something only he can hear. “Tina and Artie are here, too.”

Devon remembers what Sebastian had said about Artie liking Tina, and now the four of them were hanging out.

“Going anywhere specific?” Devon asks in his best casual voice.

“Nah, just driving down-” Sebastian doesn't finish as the next moment he hears Tina's voice loudly.

“Devon!” She shushes someone before speaking again. “We were going to call you to come out with us, but Sebastian said you had family stuff? Oh, and you made Nick and Jeff stage managers? What the frack?”

“I had to, I'm falling behind in my classes.”

He hears a loud thump followed by laughter. Sebastian speaks again holding back his laughter. “Tina dropped the phone,” he explains.

Devon keeps his voice steady as he shakes his head and says, “I have to go.”

“I'll call you when I get home later.”

“Sebastian... let's talk Monday, okay?” Devon suggests. “Give me the weekend off.”

There is silence on the other line, even the laughter has stopped. Devon closes his eyes praying Sebastian hadn't put him on speaker.

“If that's what you want.”

“I do.”

“Bye.”

Sebastian ends the call before Devon can say “bye” back. Devon isn't sure how to feel about what has just happened. He isn't even sure if he is sad over the fact that Sebastian excluded him from something.

He spends Saturday alone in his room finishing all of his assignments he has due the upcoming week. He calls Sam twice, but he doesn't pick up. He wants to call Kitty and ask her to come over, but remembers she is visiting family in Cincinnati. He doesn't call Tina because she'll either want to talk about Sam or her upcoming party.

Sunday afternoon he finds himself in the dining room with Cooper playing a game of Scrabble. Santana is in the living room reading and drinking a glass of wine.

Ever since their talk Cooper has started making an attempt at being there more for him.

“You didn't go out this weekend,” Cooper comments as he completes the word **BLURS**. “Not even to visit Sebastian.”

Devon takes a deep breath as he stares at the letters he has. Usually, he doesn't share much about Sebastian to Cooper. However, they are trying to fix their relationship so he decides to tell Cooper the truth.

“I think Sebastian and I broke up.”

Cooper's smile disappears. “You think? What happened?”

Devon adds a new word to the board. **SAW**. “Well, we might not be broken up. But I think it's up to me so I have to decide.”

“Is this because of Sam?” Cooper asks carefully.

“Yeah.”

Cooper doesn't put down any letters and sighs. “Dev, you might think you want to be with Sam, but think about how long you and Sebastian have been together. Are you ready to throw all of that away?”

“I don't know, that's the problem. I like Sebastian, but now I can't stop thinking 'what if?'”

“Unfinished business,” Cooper concludes as he puts down **RE** in front of his word. “You said Sam loved you and you felt the same for him as kids. You thought that the possibility was gone, but now he's here and you have the chance to start something.”

“What if I risk it and still lose him?” Devon asks in a quiet voice.

Cooper sighs, reaching out to pat his hand. “What's life without a little risk?”

Devon stays quiet and Cooper ends their game to get started on dinner.

They're almost finished with dinner when the doorbell rings. 

“Think it's Sebastian?” Cooper whispers to him as Santana goes to answer the door.

It's not. Santana returns with Sam.

“He's sick, honey,” Santana says as Cooper pulls out a chair for Sam to sit in.

Sam gives them all a small smile and says, “Hi” meeting Devon's eyes for a second before facing Cooper.

“What's wrong?” Cooper asks as he goes into nurse mode. “Tell me what you're feeling.”

“My head and throat ache,” Sam says frowning. “Everything aches.”

Cooper removes his hand from Sam's forehead and nods. “You've got a fever.”

“Yeah, I had a cold, but I thought I'd gotten over it, but today I woke up feeling like this. I didn't know where to go,” Sam confesses shyly.

“Well, you're always welcome here,” Cooper says before looking at Santana and Devon for approval.

“Of course,” Devon says as Santana nods.

“Have you eaten?” Santana asks.

Sam shakes his head.

“Dev can fix you a plate and I'll set you up in the guest room,” Cooper says leading him down the hall.

Santana helps Devon set up a bed tray with food and takes it to Sam's room. They leave Sam alone to eat and as Cooper washes the dishes he asks Devon if he's okay with Sam staying.

Devon nods. “You've no idea what it takes for him to ask for help.”

Devon spends the rest of the evening in Sam's room keeping him company while he sleeps. He mostly reads while occasionally looking at Sam from across the sitting chair he's sitting in.

Devon starts to yawn around eleven at night and Sam wakes up shortly after. Devon gets him tomato soup and crackers that Cooper had left out in case Sam woke up.

“Hey,” he says putting down the plate carefully on the bed tray.

“You haven't been here all this time, have you? Watching me drool and snore.”

“I have,” Devon says with a smile. “It was cute, though.”

Sam tries to smile, but instead shakes his head. “You didn't have to, I can take care of myself,” Sam says before reaching for the soup and taking a spoonful in his mouth.

“I know, you've told me,” Devon says in a small voice, “but you don't have to.”

Sam nods, “Well... thanks.”

They stay in silence while Sam eats and Devon watches him. Santana comes to check in on them before telling Devon to go to bed since he has school the next day.

Devon takes his time getting ready for bed even though he's tired and knows he has to wake up early the next day. His mind won't stop reminding him that Sam is just across the hall from him. That they're under the same roof again. If he wanted to he could just go back to Sam's room and stay there, but knows Santana and Cooper wouldn't like that. Even they are okay with having Sam stay over.

He thinks about what he told Cooper earlier. Would he really risk it all to be with Sam? How does he know he's picking the right person? He wishes he could have asked Cooper or Santana that. They probably would have told him that the right person is worth it all no matter what. He knows that because that's what he is currently feeling like. Like the boy he loves will definitely be worth the risk. Even if he does end up hurting in the end.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think we're very close to the end. I'd love to hear what you all think will happen before the next chapter is posted. If you're still reading, I hope you're enjoying this story and thanks :D


	7. Rollercoaster

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For anyone interested in the Anderson household: [house](https://40.media.tumblr.com/8b31ad6d13f19069f1f9f3868805d709/tumblr_nqn6io4VqP1qat4jdo4_r1_1280.png) | [1st floor](https://41.media.tumblr.com/465463ca3a78e7c0b00d5af76bb13cd7/tumblr_nqn6io4VqP1qat4jdo1_1280.png) | [2nd floor](https://40.media.tumblr.com/71b7f13c717dbee48e2be2a3970fb8b1/tumblr_nqn6io4VqP1qat4jdo2_1280.png) | [Kitchen & Living Room](http://www.danielskitchendesign.com/sample9.html) | [Dining Room](https://40.media.tumblr.com/737258fa14292b191905fe7e97f5ed82/tumblr_nqn6io4VqP1qat4jdo3_r1_1280.jpg)

Monday morning Devon drives alone to school with a sense of dread at having to face Sebastian. Cooper checked up on Sam in the morning and told him to take the day off to regain back his strength. Sam didn't protest and Devon had stopped by his room to say a quick goodbye before leaving.

As he makes his way inside Dalton he wishes he had come up with a plan so he knew what to say to Sebastian. Instead he walks over to his locker where Sebastian is already waiting there with open arms, clearly with a plan of his own. Despite it all he can't help and smile when Sebastian pulls him in for a hug. There's that feeling of safety when Devon is in Sebastian's arms. But he doesn't think he wants to be safe anymore. Staying safe is what has made him hide behind Devon.

“Devon,” Sebastian smiles as he pulls back. “I missed you. I didn't like being without at all for a whole weekend. I'm sorry I said you were having crazy mood swings. And I'm sorry for volunteering you to be stage manager without asking you about it. And also for being a jerk about everything else.” He pauses. “I think I've covered it all, just please don't be mad at me anymore, I hate it.”

Devon looks down as he thinks about the fact that Sebastian still asked Hunter to help with the play and also went out with him on Friday. As the bell rings and everyone rushes around them to get to class he realizes this isn't the place for the conversation they need to have. So instead he asks, “Then you're okay with Jeff and Nick being co-stage managers?”

“There's no convincing you to come back?”

“Nope.”

“Then I'm okay with Jeff and Nick being co-stage managers.”

Devon shakes his head and lets Sebastian take his hand as they head to Homeroom. The rest of the day goes well for him, except until lunch. Tina spends most of lunch finalizing the plans for her party. She had bought a couple of horror movie classics and a vast amount of junk food, even going as far to get her parents to pay for catered food and let them have the party in their game room unsupervised.

“We're gonna shake things up and go trick-or-treating!” Tina announces cheerfully. “Think about it: free candy.”

Kitty rolls her eyes at her. “I heard it might snow.”

“Bring a coat.”

“We could always have a couple of drinks before we go out,” Sebastian suggests.

“Wait, what?” Devon asks finally paying attention.

“Come on, Devon,” Tina laughs, “It wouldn't be a party without alcohol. Sebastian is bringing a bottle of vodka and Jeff's brother agreed to buy us wine coolers. I think we could all do with some loosening up.”

Devon doesn't appreciate the look Tina gives him as she says this and shakes his head. “Well, I'm not drinking,” he simply says finishing his lunch.

“Does Sam drink?” Tina asks before looking around the cafeteria. “Did he come to school today?”

Devon shrugs as Nick chimes in, “Does he ever come to school? He's in some of my classes, I think, but rarely shows up. If it were me, my mom would have been all over me to get my butt to school.”

The lunch bell rings as Devon shrugs, “Not everyone has a mom.”

Tina opens her mouth to say something, but instead shakes her head and leaves with Sebastian for fifth period.

He doesn't really say much to anyone else after that and they don't attempt to make conversation with him either. Sebastian waits for him when school is over, but when Devon attempts to talk with him seriously Sebastian changes the subject to Halloween. He asks him to dress up as Watson since he'll be dressing up as Sherlock before giving him a quick kiss and heading inside the auditorium.

Devon drives home and sees Cooper's car on the driveway when he pulls up in front of his house. He goes inside and finds Sam and Cooper in the dining room table playing checkers.

“Hey, you're home,” Cooper says looking up briefly before focusing back on the board in front of him.

Sam gives him a small smile. “Hi.”

“Hi,” Devon says before facing Cooper. “What are you doing home early?”

Cooper shrugs. “We were overstaffed at the hospital so I asked if I could come home at noon. Thought Sam might like some company.”

“That was nice of you,” Devon says curtly as he thinks about that fact that Cooper hardly ever stayed home with him when he was sick. He tries not to dwell on it as he watches Sam make his move.

“Oh, Santana is picking up dinner, but she might be a little late than usual,” Cooper says distractedly. “Make yourself a snack if you're hungry.”

Devon heads over to the kitchen and opens the pantry where he finds a box of Oreos. He serves himself a glass of milk and goes to his room. After he's had six of them in a row he stops. He could eat more if he wanted, but knows it would just make him feel cranky and moody later on. Does he really want to feel that way later on?

With a sigh he sits at his desk and attempts to complete some of his assigned homework. It's hard to concentrate when he knows Sam is just outside his room. So close within distance.

In the back of his mind he can't stop thinking about what he has to do so he puts down his pen and takes out his cell phone.

“Hey, how was rehearsal?” Devon asks when Sebastian picks up.

“Uh, better, I guess.”

“Listen, we have to talk.”

“I won't drink at Tina's party if that's what you're worried about,” Sebastian says quickly. “Not if you don't want me to. I'll swear it right now on my summer trip to Paris.”

“How chivalrous of you,” Devon smiles.

“Only when it works to my advantage.”

Devon pauses. “Sebastian...”

“Devon?”

Devon closes his eyes. It's so hard to break up with someone that kept avoiding the subject or wouldn't even let you get close to bringing it up. “We're about to have dinner in a bit and Santana wants me to set up the table,” Devon lies with a sigh. “I'll talk to you later.”

Sam is quiet during dinner despite looking better, health wise. He keeps his head down for the most part unless someone asks him a direct question.

“Are you coming back to school tomorrow?” Devon asks during a brief silence.

Sam shrugs. “I guess.”

“Well, that's good,” Santana says nodding. “What's your plan then?”

Cooper gives her a pointed look before shaking his head. “Although there is no rush or pressure for you to have one.”

Santana looks as though she wants to say something, but stays quiet as she goes back to eating her dinner.

“You can't stay in the school basement til graduation,” Devon points out.

“Well, I won't be here for that long,” Sam finally says avoiding eye contact. “I'm going back to Kentucky.”

“What?” Cooper asks surprised before shaking his head. “Sam, think about it. You should graduate first, after all didn't you tell me you just needed a few credits to get your diploma? Listen, if you don't want to stay with us then we can help you find a job so you can get yourself your own place.”

Devon keeps staring at Sam's profile since he wouldn't look at him.

“I need to be with my family again,” Sam says in a low voice. “They need me.”

Devon has been holding his breath since Sam had said “going back to Kentucky.” He wants to tell Sam that he couldn't, he had just gotten here. They still needed to spend more time together.

“...I understand, but it would just be a couple more months,” Cooper continues. “Dalton is a good school and it would look good on your college applications if you decide to apply.”

“I want to be able to provide for my brother and sisters; my parents are still living paycheck to paycheck,” Sam confesses.

“The more reason to stay here and finish high school. A diploma can help you get a higher paying job when you go back.”

“He doesn't want to stay,” Devon says standing up. Sam still doesn't look at him. “He wants to go.”

Devon leaves the dining rooms and locks himself in his room. He isn't happy about Sam's decision and wishes Sam had told him in private instead of just springing it up on him during dinner. However, he knows there is no talking Sam out of his decision. If there is one thing Sam has it is determination. He had been determined to come find him and now he was determined to go back home.

For a second he is tempted to text Kitty and tell her that Sam is leaving, but they haven't talked about him for a couple of days. He stays in his room and listens to the faint sounds of Cooper and Santana in the kitchen picking up. He hears Sam's footsteps across the hall going into the guest room minutes later. After that there is only silence throughout the house.

Devon lies in his bed and eventually falls asleep. He wakes up a couple of hours later to a still quiet house. His windows are fogged up and from the light outside he can tell that it snowed earlier.

He grabs his coat from his closet and puts on his slippers before opening the room to his door quietly. He glances across the hall and notices that Sam's door is open a couple of inches.

Devon pushes the door open before calling out softly, “Sam. Sam?”

“I'm awake,” Sam's voice comes from the darkness before the lamp on the bedside table is turned on.

Devon smiles. “Put your coat and shoes on, I want to show you something.”

Sam doesn't ask any questions as he moves around the room getting his stuff. He stands in front of Devon once he's done and Devon takes his hand as he leads him outside to the front door.

“Look,” Devon says brightly despite the cold as they step out into the porch and look at the street in front of them. Everything is covered in a soft layer of sparkling white snow. From telephone lines to rooftops to sidewalks.

As they look at the snow in silence suddenly all of their troubles seem to disappear. Standing there on the porch just the two of them, it was only them against the world.

“Do you remember when you stayed with us that one week?” Devon asks and continues when Sam nods. “It snowed that week, too.”

“Yeah,” Sam says. “I haven't seen snow like this since we left. Usually by the time I get up the plowers and snow blowers have ruined everything.”

The effect of the snow makes their voices more intimate and Devon realizes they are still holding hands. He can't help but notice how perfect their hands fit together.

“Don't worry about Cooper,” Devon says after a moment. “I think he still feels guilty for not being there enough for me. I guess he feels the need to make that up with you now.”

Sam gives him a small smile and doesn't say anything as he stares out into the street.

“I'm sorry for earlier during dinner,” Devon adds turning to face Sam and taking a step closer.

Sam shrugs and pulls Devon in for a hug. “I'm sorry, too. When I came back I had this great fantasy of us meeting eyes and running into each other's arms. Instead, I caught you off guard at school.”

Devon lets out a small chuckle as he closes his eyes and breathes in Sam's scent. He wants to make sure this is one memory he never forgets. When he's fifty years old he wants to remember standing on his porch and embracing Sam in the cold.

“When do you think you'll be leaving?” Devon finally asks in a small voice as he pulls back to look up at Sam.

“Probably soon, I guess. I got what I came for.”

“Even if we didn't go back to Lima?”

Sam shrugs. “That was only part of it, not the main thing.”

It starts snowing again as Devon asks, “What was the main thing, then?”

“This,” Sam says looking down at him. “Us right now. Right here.”

Devon smiles as Sam leans down to kiss his forehead. Devon sighs as he wraps his arms around Sam's waist and listens to his heartbeat through his coat. They stand there for a while longer until Sam yawns and Devon starts to shiver due to the cold.

The next morning to avoid any awkwardness during breakfast Devon tells Cooper he and Sam are going to get breakfast on their way to school. They stop for donuts and coffee a couple of blocks away from school while it continues to snow. During each red light Sam shows him pictures of his younger siblings.

“This is Steven, the oldest,” Sam says. “He's fourteen and almost as tall as me. This is Stacey, she's eleven. Susan is eight and Seth just turned five.”

“Your mom must have been young when she had you,” Devon says as he pulls up in the student parking lot and looks at the pictures of kids that look like younger versions of Sam. They all have blond hair and blue eyes. Kitty was right when she said Sam and him seemed to be in their own world, he can't remember one time meeting his younger siblings as a kid.

“She was my age,” Sam says. “She dropped out of school and married my father. She didn't start working until after we moved; she got her GED in Kentucky.”

“Are you going to get yours, too?” Devon asks carefully.

“Probably,” Sam says shrugging before he finishes his coffee. “Cooper's right, I only need a couple of credits to get my diploma, but I could get my GED faster.”

Devon nods. “Do they know you're coming back?”

“Not yet, but I was thinking of calling Steven later just to see how things are going and tell him then.”

“Lucky them,” Devon says with a smile already thinking how they'll say goodbye. They'll probably cry, hug each other, and say things they wouldn't dare to say to the other if they knew they had to see each other the next day.

“They probably think otherwise. I can be a pain,” Sam says laughing as he finishes his donut. “You've probably noticed already.”

Devon laughs. “Only a little.”

They enter Dalton together, but Sam gets held back by Jeff and Nick, dressed as Thing 1 and Thing 2, whom have some questions about one of the sets they're working on. Devon heads to his locker by himself and finds Sebastian waiting there in his homemade Sherlock costume.

“You were supposed to be my Watson,” Sebastian says disappointed as he points to the Dalton uniform Devon is wearing.

“Today is Halloween,” Devon says instead as it registers why Jeff and Nick were wearing blue wigs.

“Yes. I can't believe you forgot.”

“Sorry.”

“It's fine, I guess I'll have to be Sherlock pre-Watson,” Sebastian says pulling him into a bold and deep kiss in the middle of the school hallway.

“Easy there, detective,” Devon says pulling away slowly before facing his locker and opening it. It doesn't feel right making out with Sebastian when Devon knows that in less than twenty-four he'll be breaking up with him. He takes his time getting stuff out of his locker and closing it. Sebastian waits patiently and takes his hand when he's done.

They're about to start walking when Hunter and Harmony stop in front of them. Hunter is wearing a shiny black suit, his hair is coiffed back, and carrying a vintage microphone. Harmony is in a vintage 1950's red polka-dot full skirt dress. Devon is tempted to point out that Kim wore a pink dress, but instead smiles at them. He looks up to see Sebastian's reaction and notices his confused expression.

Harmony scoffs. “Bye, Bye, Birdie.” Sebastian raises his eyebrows still confused while Hunter grins.

“She's Kim MacAfee and I'm Conrad Birdie.”

“Never heard of it,” Sebastian says with a shrug.

“Maybe you should have dressed as Watson,” Harmony jokes before pulling Hunter away.

Sebastian pouts at Devon after they're gone and he can't help but laugh.

“At least you make a handsome Sherlock.”

“Thank you.”

“Since when are those two friends?” Devon asks as they walk to Homeroom together.

“Since they found out they both want to go to Julliard.”

Homeroom is loud as mostly everyone who dressed up shows off their costumes. Nick and Jeff are sitting in the front with Sam still talking with him. Tina and Kitty are at the back of the classroom in their usual seats when Devon and Sebastian walk in.

“You didn't dress up!” Tina whines as she stands up to greet them.

“Are you dressed as Velma?” Devon asks as he takes in her orange sweater, red skirt, and orange leg warmers. “I thought you said you were going to wear something sexy.”

Kitty looks annoyed in her green scarf, purple dress, and pink stockings. “Nick and Jeff convinced us to dress up as the Scooby Doo gang and bailed on us at the last minute.”

Sebastian laughs out loud before he is pushed away by Tina as she pulls Devon aside.

She glances over at Sam before asking, “So, has he said anything about my party?”

“Like what?” Devon asks.

“If he's coming or not? Or anything about me? Anything at all, Devon!” Tina says exasperated.

“Oh, not that I can recall,” Devon says as Tina frowns at him and goes sit down.

Even though Tina looks discouraged, Devon knows she hasn't given up yet. He's proven right when the bell rings and Tina grabs Sam's arm on the way out.

“How come you didn't dress up?” she asks as they all make their way out into the hallway.

Devon knows she means to sound cheery and curious, but it comes off like an accusation.

“I haven't done Halloween since I was nine,” Sam says shrugging as he looks over at them.

“Oh, well come to the party tonight!” Tina says smiling wide despite Sam's flat answer. “I'm sure Devon's told you already that we're going trick-or-treating and hanging out at my place afterward.”

Sam looks over at Devon and he winces. “I completely forgot today was even Halloween, so no I haven't told him,” Devon says.

Tina takes a deep breath before smiling again. “Well, now you know about it, Sam.”

Sam nods and walks away. Tina shakes her head at Devon as she walks to her class in the opposite direction. Sebastian had long left the moment he saw them talking to Sam so Devon walks to his first period class alone.

Kitty is done being annoyed at Jeff and Nick by lunch since they're in a debate of whether to drink before or after they go trick-or-treating.

“Throwing up is not classy,” Kitty says rolling her eyes. “Besides, tonight should be special.”

“Classy?” Sebastian laughs. “We're seniors going trick-or-treating, what’s classy about that?

Tina arrives at the table then in a bad mood dropping her lunch on the table rather hard. They all stop talking to look at her.

“What is Sam's problem?” she demands as she looks over at the cafeteria door. “I saw him in the hallway a couple of minutes ago and he pretended not to see me. I mean, he won't even have lunch with us. I'm so over him; I don't know what I saw him in him, anyway.”

“He was available?” Nick quips which earns him a glare from Tina.

“Hey, don't give up yet,” Kitty says from across the lunch table. “There's still tonight, maybe he'll get drunk and we can take advantage of him.”

“Right,” scoffs Tina as she begins to eat her lunch.

Devon stays quiet even though he wishes he could tell Tina there is no chance Sam will be going to her party tonight. Everything is just too complicated, he thinks. If he tries to explain it all he will have to tell them about their childhood, why he came back, why he was going back, and most importantly why Sam is living with him right now.

“...you'll be in a new different and completely sexy costume by then,” Kitty tells Tina her plan for the night. “We'll all get tipsy and pair off.” She turns to Jeff. “You're bringing a date, right?” Jeff nods. “So, then I'll go with Nick and pretend we're totally into each other.”

“That's my favorite part of the plan,” Nick points out.

“-Devon will be with Sebastian, leaving Sam drunk and horny with only you to go off with somewhere quiet and well you know the rest. Unless anyone wants to trade partners?” Kitty asks glancing at Devon out of the corner of her eyes.

Devon shakes his head as he tries hard not to laugh because he knows none of this would be happening. “How did this plan go from 'tipsy' to 'drunk and horny'? I have to say I'm a little worried.”

“Oh, Devon,” Tina says throwing her hair back behind her shoulder. “We're seniors. This is practically a ritual going on throughout the country tonight. What could possibly go wrong?”

“Maybe everything?”

“So negative,” Sebastian says speaking up again as he leans over to place a kiss on his cheek. “Tonight will be fun, okay?”

After school Sebastian is waiting outside Devon's class again and they end up walking together to the auditorium.

“What time should I pick you up tonight?” Sebastian asks reaching over for his hand.

“I can just meet you there,” Devon says quickly not wanting to be held up for too long since he knows Sam is waiting for him at his car.

“Devon, let me pick you up, it's on my way,” Sebastian says letting go of his hand to play with Devon's scarf. “And I can drop you off afterward. You know since it'll be late by then maybe you can let me come in for a bit.”

“Sebastian, I-” Devon starts to shake his head as he reaches over to pull Sebastian's hand off him when the auditorium door opens and Artie comes out with Hunter behind him.

“I know you two are in a relationship, want to spend as much time as possible together, and am sure are completely devoted to each other,” Artie says calmly as he puts his hands on his laps before facing Devon. “However, from three twenty to four forty-five for the next couple of weeks I need Sebastian's devotion to be solely on the play.”

Devon is about to open his mouth to ask Artie why he suddenly is so interested in having Sebastian be part of the play when he didn't want him to be in the beginning, but Sebastian gives him a quick kiss and says, “I'll be at your place at six. In costume.”

On the way home Sam looks out his window before saying, “Dad always says that when it snows before November it's a sign of a long winter.”

“Yeah,” Devon says as he thinks about how he'll be spending a cold and gloomy winter without Sam and no boyfriend.

“Remember that one time we got snowed in at school? Everyone else got picked up except for us.”

“I completely forgot about that.”

“The school bus driver was so mad because he had to drive us home and we were the only two on the bus.”

“I remember now,” Devon says shaking his head. “We made such a sad pair sitting on the bus that day.”

“I never thought of us as sad.”

“Sam, every other kid got picked up by their parents except us,” Devon recalls remembering Cooper apologizing since he was in the middle of an exam.

“But we had each other. I never needed anyone else. That's the difference between you and I,” Sam says. “You need to have people around you. Friends, a boyfriend, everyone. They all have to like you. And I've only needed one person... I've only ever needed you.”

“Not everyone has to like me,” Devon protests weakly as he pulls up in front of his place. “If you had thought I'd died then you'd need people around you, too. You always knew where and how I was... I didn't have that luxury. You weren't there when I needed you the most.”

Sam reaches for his hand. “I'm sorry, it didn't even cross my mind the whole time. I didn't think you needed me as much as I needed you.”

“I did.”

“Sorry... but I guess deep down I knew you'd be okay.”

“How could you possibly have known that?” Devon asks pulling his hand away. “How?”

“From the day you marched over to talk to me, I knew you would always be stronger than me,” Sam says with a small smile. “You always will be even when I'm not here.”

“You're the one supporting yourself and being an adult.”

“Even though I'm doing a horrible job at it,” Sam laughs. “But this isn't a competition. We can both be strong together.”

“Okay,” Devon smiles.

Inside his room, Devon sighs as he looks through his closet. Truthfully he doesn't feel like carrying a cane or wearing a bowler hat for the rest of the night. He asks Cooper to let him borrow one of his old uniform scrubs to wear as a costume instead.

Cooper makes them each a grilled cheese sandwich so they don't fill themselves up only on candy. Santana clears the island so they can eat there instead of the dining room since trick-or-treaters keep ringing the doorbell. Cooper gets started on cooking meatballs and pasta so he and Santana can still have a real dinner. After the sixth time Santana comes back with the bowl of candy shaking her head she says, “I turned off the porch light, maybe that'll discourage them from ringing.”

“I can pass out the candy,” Sam says as Cooper takes his plate from the island.

“Oh, you're not going out with Devon and his friends?” Santana asks as she pours herself a glass of water.

“No,” Devon says at the same time as Sam. “Also, Sebastian is coming over at six so if you could maybe...” he tilts his head in the direction of the guest bedroom.

Cooper looks at them confused as Sam nods and says, “Hide. Got it.”

“Thanks.”

“Devon, does Sebastian not know that Sam is staying here?”

“No.”

“Well, why not?” Cooper asks loudly.

“Maybe we should stay out of this,” Santana says motioning for Cooper to follow her to the living room. They take a seat on the couch and turn on the TV.

The bell rings just then and Sam leaves to answer it only to return a moment later followed by Sebastian. He's still wearing his Sherlock costume from earlier. “Thought I'd come by early,” Sebastian says.

Sam stays quiet as he goes over to the stove and tastes the sauce for the meatballs with a big wooden spoon. Sebastian watches him carefully without saying a word.

Devon stands by the island speechless knowing things have just taken a turn for the worse. It takes him a moment before he takes in Sebastian's posture and realizes he's been drinking. His face is rosy, not just from the cold, and his eyes are glassy. If Santana or Cooper notice they won't let him go out with him.

“I'm ready,” Devon says finding his voice. “Let's go.”

“And your costume?” Sebastian asks finally looking at him.

“This is my costume.”

“Oh.”

“We should go,” Devon says before facing Cooper and Santana's back. “We're leaving now, bye. I'll be late.”

“Be good,” Santana calls out without turning around.

Out in the porch Devon stops and faces Sebastian. “Are you crazy?”

“Me?”

“You promised me you wouldn't drink,” Devon says feeling more betrayed than he should.

Sebastian rolls his eyes. “Is he coming or what?” Sebastian asks darkly. “Tell him we don't have all night.”

“Who?”

“Who else? Your friend. Sam.”

Devon shakes his head. “He's not coming.”

“Then why is he here? At your place?” Devon stays quiet hearing the slight hurt and accusation in Sebastian's tone. Sebastian scoffs and points to the front door with an unsteady finger before placing his other hand on his chest as he says, “Do you know what he did after he answered the door? Threatened me. Said I'd better not get you in any kind of trouble or else he'd kick my ass.”

Devon doesn't know how to respond to that so instead he crosses his arms in front of him and repeats, “You promised not to drink.”

“Tina made me and it was just a little,” Sebastian says as though he were talking about the weather.

“Since when do you do what Tina says?”

Sebastian opens his mouth before closing it and taking a deep breath. “I didn't drive here if that's what you're worried about. Kitty did. I'm not dumb.”

Devon looks over to the car waiting for them in front and sees Kitty wave at him. He doesn't wave back as he faces Sebastian again.

Sebastian pouts, “You were supposed to dress up as my Watson.”

“Maybe I don't want to be your Watson, Sebastian,” Devon says flatly uncrossing his arms with a sigh. He takes Sebastian's hand and pulls him down the porch steps. “Let's just go,” he says heading to Kitty's car even though he is in no mood to go out anymore.

Despite the Top 40's music in the background no one is dancing. Trick-or-treating had gone badly since many people called them out for being too old and it got way too cold to be out. On top of that Tina was in a bad mood since Sam hadn't joined them. Also, Sebastian and Kitty were being obnoxious since they had a couple of wine coolers before they went out.

Devon gives his small bag of candy to Jeff and Nick to go through once they get back to Tina's place. Jeff's date is one of the girls from the play whom landed a small role. Nick told him that's why he'd been late rehearsals, because he stayed with her as much as he could.

“Did you do as I told you?” Sebastian asks as Tina comes over to them with a pitcher of cranberry juice.

“Yes, more vodka than juice,” Tina answers grabbing a red plastic cup and serving herself some.

Everyone else serves themselves some of the concoction except for Devon, Jeff, and Kitty. Kitty claims the wine coolers were enough for her, meanwhile Jeff has to drive his date home. Devon doesn't say anything as he watches Sebastian down his drink in two gulps.

“Can we watch a movie?” Devon asks.

No one says anything as they continue going through their candy.

“Why doesn't Sam like us?” Tina asks out of nowhere.

“We're likeable, right?” Nick asks and Jeff nods.

“He just doesn't know you all,” Devon shrugs hoping that will be the end of it.

Tina laughs. “He barely knows you, Devon!”

Kitty chuckles as she pops an M&M into her mouth. “Oh, he knows Devon all right.”

Sebastian nods along. “He definitely knows Devon. He's also his bodyguard now, apparently, threatened to kick my ass if anything to happened to Devon.”

“Of course,” Tina laughs, but it sounds forced.

“What?” Kitty asks giving her a confused look.

“It all makes sense now. Devon and Sam. Sam and Devon.”

Jeff looks over at Devon. “I'm confused.”

“Devon,” Sebastian says before filling up his cup and taking a big drink, “has been cheating on me.”

“I have not,” Devon says looking down at the table. “None of you know what you're talking about or even anything about the situation.”

“Maybe you can tell us so we'll understand,” Kitty suggests carefully.

“He's...” Devon begins before stopping. He looks at everyone momentarily and takes in their interested expressions. Except for Tina who looks upset and Sebastian who won't look at him. He could tell them that Sam needed somewhere to stay. How they'd been best friends and Sam had come looking for him. But none of that is their business he decides. None of that would justify why Sam means so much to him. “He's the one person that knows the real me,” Devon finally says. “And still loves me anyways,” he adds shakily.

“You are cheating on Sebastian, then?” Nick asks confused.

“Shut up,” Kitty mutters.

“Are you saying I don't know you, Devon?” Sebastian asks sounding deeply hurt as he stands up. His eyes look watery as though he could cry any moment and keeps his gaze on him as if they are the only two in the room. “Cause what's the point of having a boyfriend, of two years I might add, if he thinks I don't know him?”

Devon doesn't answer him because what can he say? That he wanted more than anything to love Sebastian back. But now, that he knows Sam is alive he can't do it. Knows it will never happen.

“What could possibly not make us love you?” Kitty asks.

“Give us some credit,” Nick adds. “We've all been through something. We'd understand.”

“We _have_ been friends for all of high school,” Tina emphasizes.

“If you want to break up then go ahead and just do it now,” Sebastian says ignoring them all.

Devon wants to tell him that he has been trying, but knows saying that out loud right now would only hurt and embarrass him more than anything.

“Can we not do this right now?” Devon asks softly. “We should talk about this in private.”

Sebastian shakes his head and makes his way to the door before leaving without a word. Everyone shares worried looks before Nick asks, “Should someone check on him?”

Kitty shakes her head. “He's a big boy,” she says reaching for a wine cooler and opening it up. “Devon, why don't you have a drink? We'll put on a movie, eat candy, and everything will seem better. You'll see.”

“Seem better, but not be better,” Devon snaps as he walks over to the pool table where they all dumped their coats. “I'm sorry, Tina... and everyone, but can someone sober take me home please.”

Jeff stands up along with his date. “We were thinking of going anyways,” he says nervously as he goes over to where Devon is standing. “We can give you a ride.”

“Thanks,” Devon mumbles and follows them out without looking back.

They step out into the cold without saying a word, however, Devon notices Sebastian is sitting in his car.

“I can come back for you,” Jeff offers.

Devon nods. “Thank you.”

He waits until Jeff drives away before he approaches Sebastian's car. He knocks on the window softly and sighs in relief when Sebastian unlocks the passenger door. Devon sits down and waits for Sebastian to look at him. He's hit with a pang of guilt as he realizes Sebastian has been crying.

“I'm sorry, Sebastian,” he says immediately. “This isn't how I wanted it to happen.”

“So you have been trying to break up with me these last couple of days?” Sebastian asks shaking his head. “It wasn't me just being paranoid.”

“Sebastian...”

“Why him, Devon? Of all people, it had to be him.”

Devon stays quiet for a moment thinking of how to explain things to Sebastian. “I didn't lie when I said you probably wouldn't have liked me if you knew me as a child,” he finally says. “I was the new quiet, chubby kid in class with a bad lisp. And I had bad hair,” Devon adds. “Nobody liked me, nobody wanted to talk to me or be my friend.”

“Except Sam,” Sebastian says quietly.

“Yeah,” Devon nods. “He was my only friend.”

“Why didn't you ever tell me?” Sebastian asks. “Do you know how it felt after Sam showed up and called you 'Blaine'? I felt like an idiot. Ever since then I feel like I've been dating a complete stranger and I've honestly been doing my best to hold on. I guess it didn't matter in the end.”

“I should have told you,” Devon agrees. “After my ninth birthday Sam moved, without a word, and I sincerely thought I would never see him again. Even as kids there had always been something between us that we never got a chance to act on. A connection. I didn't think I'd ever feel the same way for anyone else, but I did. I met you and you liked me... when we got together I guess I just latched on to you, scared that I'd lose you, too, eventually.”

“But you haven't lost me,” Sebastian points out quickly. “I've been here for you, which can't be said the same for Sam.”

Devon's natural instinct to defend Sam kicks in. He presses his lips together to keep himself from saying something he may regret later.

“I still want to be with you, Devon,” Sebastian continues reaching for his hand. “This is just a bump for us.”

“Sebastian,” Devon shakes his head looking down. “It will never the same. Think about it, there has to be a reason why we've never said those three words to each other.”

“But you know I-”

“Sebastian, please,” Devon begs. “Let's not make this any harder than it has to be. You knew eventually we were going to break up, graduation is less than a year away.”

Sebastian shakes his head. “No, we can make this work. I know we can.”

“I'm so sorry,” Devon says as he pulls his hand away. “We can't be together anymore. We can't go back to the way we were and I need you to accept that.”

Sebastian doesn't say anything, his jaw tight as he looks away. Devon gets out of the car and waits for Jeff to come back which he does a couple of minutes later.

Jeff drives him to his place in silence. Devon is thankful for that since he thinks if he tries to speak at the moment he will burst into tears.

He steps inside his house ten minutes later and lets out a shaky breath. He finds Santana on the couch surrounded by candy wrappers watching TV.

“Where's Cooper?” he asks as he takes a seat next to her.

“Asleep. Sam too, he went to sleep about an hour ago. Where's your candy?” she asks looking at him.

“I gave it to Nick and Jeff,” he shrugs.

“I'm out of chocolate,” Santana sighs.

They sit in silence watching TV for a couple of minutes before Devon turns to her and says, “I broke up with Sebastian.”

“I'm sorry,” she says patting his shoulder. “You okay?”

“Yeah. He was my first boyfriend though. My only real boyfriend. Ever.”

“He won't be the last, I bet.”

“I don't think I could go out with anyone else at Dalton. Which means I'm going to spend my senior year alone. How sad is that?”

“You'll survive.”

“Is it bad that I feel relieved though?”

Santana shrugs. “Only if you think so. You had your reasons for breaking up with Sebastian. Whatever they may be they're still valid even if they only make sense to you.”

“Thanks.”

It's past midnight when Santana heads upstairs. “Don't stay up too late, you still have school.”

Devon heads to his room and changes to his pajamas. Frankly he's dreading going to school at the moment and having to face everyone. Tina may never speak to him, along with Sebastian. He will probably have to start eating his lunch in the library alone.

His thoughts drift over to Sam. He'd been there to remind him that he was strong and brave. That he didn't need to hide behind a different person. He could finally be himself. Of course, he would have to learn to remember these things himself, and believe in them, too, without him.

Taking a deep breath he gets up from his bed and leaves his room. He walks across to the guest room and knocks softly on the door. It takes a while, but eventually he hears footsteps from the other side of the door before it is being opened.

Devon smiles up at Sam.

“Hey,” he says.

“Hey.”

Sam opens the door wider for him to come inside and Devon steps inside walking over to his bed. He sits down and waits for Sam to join him after he turns on the bedside lamp. Sam doesn't say anything, not even when Devon's hand touches his face. Devon's fingers slide slowly from his eyebrows to his nose, down the curve of his jaw, and the bow of his lips. This was the first boy to love him, Devon thinks. This was the same boy that had kept him company and made him feel not alone, but known and accepted.

Devon sighs as he looks down at Sam's hands. He feels Sam lean in and press his forehead against his.

“Sam Evans,” he whispers softly as his hands reach down to touch Sam's wrists. His hands move to his elbows and finally stopping at his shoulders. He looks at Sam and smiles. “I love you, too, Sam Evans.”

Sam gives him a small smile before closing his eyes and leaning in slowly. Devon meets him halfway. Their lips lock and he can feel himself bursting with joy. He feels free. He's not worried or nervous about making a fool of himself because he's with Sam. The boy who has seen him at his worst. Instead, he feels bare, but he doesn't care. He wants Sam to see and know all of his truths.

Sam deepens the kiss as he pushes him down on the bed. His big hands pull in Devon, pressing their bodies so close they might as well be one.

They finally stop after what feels like hours to catch their breath. Sam chuckles as he moves up the bed and motions for Devon to follow. Devon lies on his side so his back is pressed against Sam's chest. Their legs intertwine and he closes his eyes, basking in the moment. He opens his eyes when Sam traces a finger on his shoulder.

I. Heart. U.

Sam kisses his shoulder before wrapping an arm around his waist and closing his eyes. Devon falls asleep with a smile on his face.

His brain wakes up first before he opens his eyes. His back feels cold, but before he can focus on that he hears a loud sigh. Devon opens his eyes and glances over to the door. Santana is standing there in her bathrobe.

“I don't know what to say.”

She gives him a sad look before walking away. Goosebumps run though him as he looks behind him and sees that the bed is empty. Has been empty for a while, judging from how cold it is. Slowly he gets up and goes over to his room to get ready for school.

Cooper has a hard time accepting Sam left. “Maybe he went to school early,” he says as he paces in the kitchen while waiting for the frying pan to heat up.

Devon shakes his head as he finishes his cereal.

“His stuff is gone, honey,” Santana says carefully.

“I just thought he'd change his mind and stay,” Cooper says upset. He looks over at Devon and sighs. “I'm sorry, Devon.”

Devon doesn't say anything. He feels numb and partly responsible for Sam leaving. Last night still felt surreal even though every time he remembers he feels butterflies in his stomach. Also, he knows it wasn't his fault. Sam had already decided to leave, it was just a matter of when.

No one at school seems to notice Sam's gone. After all he barely attended or showed up to class. The first thing he does once he arrives is find Tina. Devon apologizes again for last night and not being honest with her about Sam.

“He's gone, huh?” is all she says before heading to Homeroom.

No one says anything to him during class so he figures they must all know by now that he broke up with Sebastian. Specially since Sebastian doesn't show up for school much to Artie and Hunter's annoyance.

Devon is caught by surprise when Kitty insists that he sit with them during lunch as he makes his way to the library. As if nothing happened.

“I'm not going to force you all to be on my side,” Devon says weakly.

Kitty scoffs. “You're not. But we're old enough to decide who we want to sit with. If Sebastian has a problem then he'll just have to get over it.”

Despite insisting they're not picking sides, Devon knows that Kitty's loyalties lie with him. Nick and Jeff smile at him, but don't say much to him. On the upside Tina attempts to make small talk with him. While they've all eaten without Sebastian before today the mood is different. Devon wonders if he'll actually be able to do this once Sebastian is back.

After school he goes straight homes and finds Cooper and Santana already there.

“Hey,” he says when he steps inside and sees them sitting on the couch with the TV off.

“We have something to tell you,” Santana says as she makes some space for him to sit between the two of them.

Devon wonders if it's about Sam, but knows they would have told him in the morning instead of waiting til now. He looks at them for a few seconds before sighing and sitting down between the two. The only times he's had to sit between the two of them was when he was in for a serious talk. He wonders if Santana's told Cooper about Sam sleeping over in his bed and this morning.

“Am I in trouble?” Devon asks.

“On the contrary,” Santana smiles. “We were waiting for the right time to tell you, but with everything that's happened lately we-”

“Are having a baby!” Cooper exclaims from his right.

“What?” Devon asks looking back and forth between the two.

“See, I told you it was a perfectly normal Anderson reaction,” Cooper mutters and Santana rolls her eyes.

“Yeah, except you passed out,” Santana adds.

Devon laughs before shaking his head. “I can't believe I'm going to be an uncle.”

“Neither did we,” Santana laughs. “I mean, the women in my family don't get the usual symptoms of a pregnant woman.”

“That's why you were nauseous that day!” Devon says remembering.

Santana nods. “Yeah, but your brother and I didn't want to jump to any conclusions until I took a pregnancy test.”

“When did you find out for certain?”

“Monday morning,” Cooper says. “I actually kind of lied about leaving work early. We were only going to get her results.”

“Then your brother fainted and was told to take the day off,” Santana grins.

Devon smiles even though he remembers reproaching Cooper because he'd thought he'd left work only to spend time with Sam.

“Cooper had to stay with me until I could drive him back home during lunch,” Santana continues. “I just thought you should know before I told my parents.”

“You haven't told your family?” Devon asks concerned.

Santana shakes her head before pinching his cheek. “Devon, you and Cooper are my family.”

Devon smiles before he leans in to hug her and then Cooper. “You two are going to be the best parents ever.”

“Thanks, little brother,” Cooper says with watery eyes.

Devon is about to laugh when his cell phone starts ringing. He doesn't recognize the number, but answers it anyways. “Hold on,” he says to Cooper and Santana as he gets up and walks over to his bedroom.

“Hello?”

“Blaine, it's Sam,” the voice on the other end says.

“Sam,” Blaine says surprised. “Where are you?”

“In Kentucky,” Sam answers. “I'm sorry for leaving the way I did. If I didn't I never would have. Thinking about having to look you in the eye and knowing I wouldn't see you for a while hurt too much. Even writing you a note was hard.”

“Are you okay?” Devon asks after a moment.

“Yeah. I left before sunrise so I could make it to the bus station before it opened. Called my parents and they paid for my ticket to go back.”

“Oh,” Devon says before going quiet. Again he wants to ask: How could you leave me? Why did you leave without saying goodbye?

“My parents want to take us all out for dinner since I'm back,” Sam says taking a deep breath. “I just wanted to tell you that if I could split myself in two and be in two places at once, I would. Walking away from you is the hardest thing I've had to do my whole life. But I know you'll make it without me there. You already did once. You're the bravest and strongest person I know.”

“Thank you. And you're right. You've helped me see that now.”

“Good, which is why I didn't think it would be right for me to stay after everything. No matter how much I wanted to. I want you to be fully comfortable with who you are. When we see each other again if you still want to be Devon, I'll accept you like that. If you want to go back to being yourself, Blaine, I'll accept that too. I'll always accept you. And choose you, no matter what.”

“I'll always choose you, too.”

He hears someone in the background call Sam's name and some muffled talk. “Okay, I have to go soon, but one more thing,” Sam says quickly. “Remember that no matter where I am or what I'm doing I've got a special place inside me that's all for you. It's been there since the day we met.”

Devon chokes back tears as he takes a deep breath. “You have a special place inside me, too.”

“Oh, this is my house number, so feel free to call me anytime you want to talk.”

“I will. Now go spend time with your family... we've got the rest of our lives to catch up with each other.”

They hang up with the promise of talking soon again. He lets a couple of happy tears fall before he wipes his eyes. He catches his reflection on the mirror by his closet and is surprised to find Blaine staring back at him. It's been one hell of an emotional roller coaster, but Blaine thinks he's finally ready to be himself.

*******

The transition back to being Blaine is slow. As much as he wants to be Blaine and be his old self, there are parts of Devon he's reluctant to let go. But he does stop trying to look perfect for others and instead begins to learn to accept himself. He lets go of the idea that everyone has to like him. Still, sometimes he catches himself obsessing over his weight and has to force himself to stop.

While he focuses on himself, he also makes sure to keep up with everyone else in his group of friends. He was scared he wouldn't be able to handle his break up with Sebastian maturely. But he does and makes it work. It helps that Sebastian acts normal towards him when he comes back to school the next day, and everyone else relaxes as they realize they won't be forced to pick sides. Although Sebastian talks to him like before the only difference now is that it's from across the table and they barely spend any time alone.

He misses Sebastian. Sometimes. Like when he looks up and finds Sebastian watching him before looking away. Or when Sebastian laughs at one of Nick and Jeff's jokes, or he doesn't like something and scrunches up his nose. He misses him when he's home alone during the weekends or he finds something of Sebastian's in his room.

But not as much as he misses Sam. Sam calls him every morning before he has to go to school and sometimes in the afternoon. Sometimes they only talk for a couple of minutes and other times Santana has to threaten to disconnect his cell phone if he doesn't go to sleep.

Both know they want to be more than friends, but they don't talk about it. He figures they'll just know the next chance they see each other in person. Sam promises it will be perfect. Still in the dead of night he'll wake up feeling alone, look out his window, and miss Sam more than ever.

The seasons change and soon enough he has to choose what school he'll be going to the next year. If he wants to go stag to prom or just not go at all. On top of all of that still making sure to pass his classes and get ready for graduation.

Despite it all, Blaine can honestly say he's happy. He's happy to have found friends that accept and care for him. He's happy to watch Cooper and Santana get ready to become parents. He's happy to have Sam back in life. He's happy to say for once and all that he wouldn't want to be anyone else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading this to the end. This is my first multichaptered fic that I've actually completed so I'm quite happy right now. I must apologize to the seblainers, when I began this story my intentions were to have Blaine and Sebastian make up in the end, but as I wrote this it just no longer felt right.  
> If you have any questions about any part of the story feel free to ask and I will respond as best as I can.  
> Again, thank you all for reading and I hope you enjoyed yourself :)


End file.
